How Good Intentions HARM! 😲

❤️ “IT’S THEIR FAULT!!!” ❤️

Think of a child who is crying. Think of the parent who acknowledges the child’s crying and gives them what they want. Done consistently over time, the child learns that crying and being loud will get them what they want. But eventually, as the child gets older, the challenge becomes for the parent to distinguish:
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~ a child’s crying from when it’s an actual reasonable situation (child gets physically hurt) 👍
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~ a child crying because they didn’t get what they wanted (couldn’t get candy while shopping) 👎
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The parent doesn’t want to reinforce bad behavior because that says to the child they can repeat the behavior in the future. 😭
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⚠️ Society is now reinforcing bad behavior. ⚠️
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The issue I’m seeing happening more and more is society not effectively making it through the second half of what parents have to do. We’re not often enough separating the cries of individuals which are legitimate from the ones which are infantile tantrums under the guise of an adult body.
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It’s now more of the default today to assume that if someone cries, it is automatically legitimate. Therefore in our good intentions to stop and prevent suffering in our society, we unknowingly cause more of it! We are rewarding both the good AND bad behavior. 😲
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In our emotional hastes, innocent people are now getting caught in this crossfire. With a mob mentality, it becomes an irrational witch hunt. There’s a play called The Crucible which tells the story about the Salem Witch Trials in the 1600’s. “I saw [name] with the Devil!” cried the hysterics of some characters in the story. Innocent characters are shunned and killed because of other’s false accusations. 🧙‍♀️
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With a single accusation and critical thinking thrown out the window, innocent people are being punished without considering their possible innocence. A stigma is born, and it sticks out like a sore thumb. 😬
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It’s being taught in our society that if one complains hard enough that a person gets what they want. While behavior for legitimate concerns is reinforced, so is also the behavior of people alternatively seeking attention, validation, and self-worth. 🤬
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It’s in our behavioral psychology: ALL our behavior, good or bad, serves a purpose in our lives. Yes, we in fact do things which are destructive towards ourselves and others because it fulfills human needs we’re not getting from healthier alternatives. Could a part of that include: our internal happiness? ❤️
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As for these individuals: the moment they are no longer rewarded in society, the moment they are no longer receiving recognition from outside sources, my fear is they will be left feeling helpless. They will be in for a very rude awakening: the realization that they in fact live in a world which does not revolve around “Me”. They’ve been taught for so long that it does, but in realizing it they’re going to hit a deep existential depth within themselves that is not going to be pleasant. 🙁
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I’ve lived it myself. ❤️
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The truth is life does not work that way, as much as we’d all like to believe in the illusion of a utopian world. I did for a while myself! But truthfully, life is constantly changing. The world is constantly changing. The big lesson I wish to share with you all is if we constantly rely on finding happiness outside ourselves, we’re going to continue being disappointed. We’ll experience long-term suffering when it really doesn’t have to be the case. 😔
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I say this not as an anecdote but because I had to learn this lesson too. I learned that if I wanted to live in a way which was more fulfilling, more happy, more satisfying, I had to leave the behaviors and emotional home I was in for so long. I had to be okay with accepting the “harder truths” of life, even if it wasn’t pleasant. But because I now accept them, and because I’ve had the experience being on both sides of the coin, I feel so much more alive today because of it! 🙌
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🌟 I would NOT be where I am today if I kept believing the world needed to revolve around me. I would NOT be where I am today if my happiness was dependent on someone else accepting who I am. I would NOT be where I am today if everything in life went exactly the way I “wanted” it to. 🌟
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I am gay, yes. I was diagnosed with Autism, yes. If anyone wants more “ammo”, I was also diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety, yes. 👍
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But if you or someone else doesn’t accept me for it, that’s fine. I probably won’t talk with you often. If you discriminate me for it, so be it. I will find more tolerant people to be around. I love the person, but I don’t reinforce bad behavior. 👍
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Just like a parent wouldn’t. 😉
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So many people want to change other’s beliefs in the name of righteousness. But pushing your opinions onto others and saying they “have” to believe what you believe is not where long-term change is going to happen. 👍
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What is actually worth your time and energy is working on yourself: becoming a better person, setting an example rather than spouting an opinion, showing rather than telling, being good for yourself so you can be better for others. 😄
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Words and insults don’t mean anything unless you give them power. There are moments sometimes where someone else’s words have sparked a tenseness and change in my emotions, no doubt! It happens. But when it does happen, I take a step back to remind myself: My emotions can often times be irrational. 🤷‍♂️
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🌟 Don’t let your feelings dictate your behavior; let your behavior dictate your feelings. 🌟
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Long-term change will always come from the inside-out, not the outside-in. When I am good for myself, I will be even better for others around me. Paradoxically, helping me helps others. Having my roof clean will let me help someone else whose roof needs a bit more cleaning. 👥
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I say this because I don’t want more people to suffer. I’m sure you don’t either. ❤️
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Think of the political party divide: Do Republicans and Democrats BOTH want to make the country better? Some may shout “NO”, but what is the only difference is they have different solutions to the same problem? I believe we’re all more on the same side than we think. ↔️
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Let’s all talk together more! ❤️ #TranscendLabels

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