How We BECOME Civil!

๐Ÿ™Œ I’M A SPIRITUAL PERSON…AND A SCIENTIFIC PERSON! ๐Ÿ™Œ

It doesnโ€™t have to be one OR the other; it can be one AND the other. โ†”๏ธ

I donโ€™t expect my spiritual friends to understand the complexities of science and the search for objective truth. ๐Ÿงฌ

But nor do I expect my scientific friends to understand the usefulness of stories and metaphorical truths to help someone live a better quality of life. โค๏ธ

The problem I see happening is when each side assumes malicious intent of the other. Each side assumes they are searching for the same definition of โ€œtruthโ€. ๐Ÿ‘

๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐จ๐ฆ ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐  ๐จ๐ง ๐›๐จ๐ญ๐ก ๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ž๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐œ๐จ๐ข๐ง, ๐ˆ ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐š๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ซ๐ž๐ง’๐ญ. ๐Ÿ‘Ž

They both have very different epistemologies and methodologies for how they seek โ€œtruthโ€. ๐Ÿ˜…

โ†”๏ธ Science is focused on precision; spirituality is very broad.

โ†”๏ธ Science uses quantitative measurement; spirituality embraces the abstract.

โ†”๏ธ Science is focused on objectivity; spirituality is focused on subjectivity.

Unfortunately, each sideโ€™s misunderstandings of each other puts them both at odds. This miscommunication has both sides end up talking over each other. ๐Ÿ”€

It’s why it’s so easy for each side to label the other side as the “villain”. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

Problems arise:

๐Ÿ“Œ When the spiritual individual misunderstands science and cites studies for which a scientist could easily deduct to be โ€œjunkโ€ or โ€œpseudoscienceโ€.

๐Ÿ“Œ When the scientific individual misunderstands spirituality and thinks the ideas that are taught are useless because they canโ€™t be measured quantitatively.

๐Ÿ“Œ When the spiritual individual labels scientists and the breakthroughs they discover as โ€œsatanicโ€ and โ€œunnaturalโ€.

๐Ÿ“Œ When the scientific individual labels spirituality and the rituals within these communities as โ€œdelusionalโ€ and โ€œwoo wooโ€.

In other words, ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฌ๐ž ๐Ÿ ๐š๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐๐Ž๐“ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฌ๐š๐ฆ๐ž. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ๐ž, ๐ฐ๐ž ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฆ ๐š๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐œ๐ก.

๐–๐ž ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฉ๐ž๐œ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐Ÿ ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฉ๐š๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ข๐ž๐ฅ๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ข๐ง๐ช๐ฎ๐ข๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ž๐ฑ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž๐ ๐‹๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž.

Let me add: Iโ€™m NOT saying I treat these fields as having equal usefulness. Iโ€™m NOT taking the middle ground here and saying both sides are 50-50. I strongly disagree with that stance. โŒ

I have my own personal views and stances towards each field, but thatโ€™s not what this post is about.

My point with writing this post is the same point Iโ€™ve made in so many of my other posts: ๐’…๐’ ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’˜ ๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’ƒ๐’‚๐’ƒ๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’ƒ๐’‚๐’•๐’‰๐’˜๐’‚๐’•๐’†๐’“. ๐Ÿ‘ถ

Am I saying a scientist or spiritual teacher cannot question authority figures or experts outside their dedicated fields? Of course not! Thatโ€™s how we learn and understand from the experts in their fields. It’s important we ask questions! ๐Ÿ’ฏ

Hell, I’m not an “expert” in either field and I’m still writing this post! ๐Ÿ˜œ

But what I am advocating for is an open communication between the fields, to bring the best of both worlds to the table while at the same time understanding and respecting where the fields are going to irreconcilably differ.

โš ๏ธ BUT THIS ISN’T LIMITED TO SCIENCE AND SPIRITUALITY! โš ๏ธ

This can also be applied to the political sphere, when it comes to Democrats and Republicans, “the Left” and “the Right”.

Van Jones argued in his recent book โ€œBeyond the Messy Truthโ€ one of the biggest problems facing our modern politics is that political parties are no longer uniting under the ideals of Conservatism or Liberalism, to bring out the best of their parties. Instead, ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ฎ๐ง๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐ž๐ซ ๐š ๐ฌ๐ก๐š๐ซ๐ž๐ ๐ก๐จ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐  ๐š๐ง๐ญ๐ข-๐“๐ก๐ž ๐Ž๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐๐š๐ซ๐ญ๐ฒ. ๐Ÿคฌ

Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt provided a similar argument in his book โ€œThe Coddling of the American Mindโ€ but in the context of college campuses. He cites instances where college students have forcibly interrupted and shouted down guest speakers they personally deemed โ€œoffensiveโ€. ๐Ÿคฌ

In one instance, a college professor disagreed with students about one of their social causes. Literally, student protesters surrounded him, screamed at him when he asked for a civil discussion, and demanded he resign from the university.

To put it simply:

๐ŸŒŸ ๐™‹๐™ค๐™ก๐™–๐™ง๐™ž๐™ฏ๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™—๐™š๐™ฉ๐™ฌ๐™š๐™š๐™ฃ ๐™ฅ๐™š๐™ค๐™ฅ๐™ก๐™š ๐™๐™–๐™จ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™ง๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™š๐™™. ๐™๐™ง๐™ž๐™—๐™–๐™ก๐™ž๐™จ๐™ข ๐™๐™–๐™จ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™ง๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™š๐™™. ๐˜พ๐™ฎ๐™ฃ๐™ž๐™˜๐™ž๐™จ๐™ข ๐™๐™–๐™จ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™ง๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™š๐™™. ๐™๐™๐™š๐™ง๐™š’๐™จ ๐™– ๐™œ๐™ง๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™˜๐™ค๐™ก๐™ก๐™š๐™˜๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ซ๐™š ๐™–๐™จ๐™จ๐™ช๐™ข๐™ฅ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฅ๐™š๐™ค๐™ฅ๐™ก๐™š ๐™ฌ๐™๐™ค ๐™™๐™ž๐™จ๐™–๐™œ๐™ง๐™š๐™š ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ ๐™ช๐™จ, ๐™—๐™ฎ ๐™™๐™š๐™›๐™–๐™ช๐™ก๐™ฉ, ๐™๐™–๐™ซ๐™š ๐™ข๐™–๐™ก๐™ž๐™˜๐™ž๐™ค๐™ช๐™จ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ.

๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™œ๐™ช๐™ข๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™จ ๐™๐™–๐™ซ๐™š ๐™—๐™š๐™˜๐™ค๐™ข๐™š ๐™ก๐™š๐™จ๐™จ ๐™–๐™—๐™ค๐™ช๐™ฉ ๐™จ๐™š๐™–๐™ง๐™˜๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™›๐™ค๐™ง ๐™ฉ๐™ง๐™ช๐™ฉ๐™ ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™š๐™–๐™™ ๐™–๐™—๐™ค๐™ช๐™ฉ ๐™—๐™š๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™จ๐™ค๐™ข๐™š๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ฃ. ๐™๐™๐™š๐™ฎ’๐™ซ๐™š ๐™—๐™š๐™˜๐™ค๐™ข๐™š ๐™ก๐™š๐™จ๐™จ ๐™–๐™—๐™ค๐™ช๐™ฉ ๐™ช๐™จ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™›๐™–๐™˜๐™ฉ๐™จ ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™ง๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™š๐™–๐™™ ๐™–๐™—๐™ค๐™ช๐™ฉ ๐™™๐™ค๐™ข๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ค๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ง ๐™ฅ๐™š๐™ง๐™จ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ ๐™š๐™ข๐™ค๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™–๐™ก ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ข๐™ž๐™™๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ. ๐ŸŒŸ

And I wonโ€™t pretend Iโ€™m immune from falling into these mindsets either! ๐Ÿ™‹โ€โ™‚๏ธ

Iโ€™m not here to claim moral superiority with this post. Just like anyone else, I need to remind myself not to fall into these traps at times too! ๐Ÿ’ฏ

Itโ€™s why I donโ€™t blame you if you fall into them either. ๐Ÿ‘

๐Ÿ™Œ BUT…IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

๐™„โ€™๐™ข ๐™˜๐™๐™–๐™ก๐™ก๐™š๐™ฃ๐™œ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™จ๐™ž๐™—๐™ž๐™ก๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ฎ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™™๐™ค๐™ฃ’๐™ฉ ๐™๐™–๐™ซ๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™จ๐™š๐™š ๐™จ๐™ค๐™ข๐™š๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™š ๐™š๐™ก๐™จ๐™š ๐™–๐™จ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง “๐™š๐™ฃ๐™š๐™ข๐™ฎ”. ๐ŸŒŸ

It may be good for one’s online branding and business marketing to create polarization and division in the short-term, but it sure as hell isn’t good for humanity’s sake in the long-term. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

Itโ€™s why we ALL need to be very careful about the environments we surround ourselves in, the people we choose to surround ourselves with, and what we choose to feed our minds on a daily basis. ๐Ÿง 

Itโ€™s not just about maintaining a healthy physical body but also about maintaining a healthy mental mind.

๐‘ญ๐’†๐’†๐’… ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“๐’”๐’†๐’๐’‡ ๐’‹๐’–๐’๐’Œ ๐’‡๐’๐’๐’… ๐’๐’ ๐’‚ ๐’…๐’‚๐’Š๐’๐’š ๐’ƒ๐’‚๐’”๐’Š๐’”, ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’‰๐’‚๐’“๐’Ž ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’ƒ๐’๐’…๐’š. ๐‘ญ๐’†๐’†๐’… ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“๐’”๐’†๐’๐’‡ ๐’‹๐’–๐’๐’Œ ๐’Š๐’๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’Ž๐’‚๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’๐’ ๐’‚ ๐’…๐’‚๐’Š๐’๐’š ๐’ƒ๐’‚๐’”๐’Š๐’”, ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’‰๐’‚๐’“๐’Ž ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’…. ๐ŸŒŸ

Did you know Van Jones is close friends with Newt Gingrich? ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐จ๐ง ๐จ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ข๐ญ๐ž ๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ž๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐œ๐š๐ฅ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐ž๐œ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฆ. Van Jones is a Democrat and Newt a Republican.

Van Jones notes in his book they disagree more than they ever agree politically. ๐Ÿ˜…

But despite that, theyโ€™re good friends! ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

Why? Newt once shared with him this piece of wisdom:

โ€œ๐’€๐’๐’–๐’“ โ€˜90% ๐’†๐’๐’†๐’Ž๐’šโ€™ ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’”๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ โ€˜10% ๐’‡๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’…โ€™ โ€“ ๐’๐’ ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š ๐’‘๐’๐’Š๐’๐’• ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’‚๐’ˆ๐’“๐’†๐’†.โ€ ๐ŸŒŸ

Itโ€™s why I think Jonathan Haidt was also right, in the same tradition, when he said the greatest wisdom you can find is in the minds of your opponents. Your “villains”. The people you’re emotionally tempted label in your mind as โ€œpure evilโ€. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

โš ๏ธ BUTโ€ฆYOU AND I BOTH HAVE TO BE OPEN TO HEARING THEM OUT! โš ๏ธ

A few months ago, I listened to a Joe Rogan podcast where he interviewed Daryl Davis. Daryl is an African American musician who is known not just for his amazing talent on the piano but also for converting over 200 people OUT of the white supremacist group the Ku Klux Klan. ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

On the podcast he went in-depth about how this all started. But the biggest detail which stuck out to me hearing his story was in how simple his solution was in reaching out to Klan members! ๐Ÿ’ก

๐ŸŒŸ ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’‰๐’‚๐’… ๐’„๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’, ๐’‡๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’…๐’๐’š ๐’„๐’๐’๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’”๐’‚๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’๐’” ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Ž. ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’”๐’‰๐’๐’˜๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’ ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’‘๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’†๐’๐’„๐’† ๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’” ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’š ๐’๐’†๐’†๐’…๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’‚๐’‡๐’“๐’‚๐’Š๐’… ๐’๐’‡. ๐ŸŒŸ

He learned what the Klan believed about African Americans, and he (again, respectfully) challenged their ideas. He invited many of them over to his house for dinner! And in turn, they even invited him to their Klan meetings! ๐Ÿ˜…

It wasnโ€™t long after that one of the top Klan members handed Daryl his Klan robe and said he was leaving the organization. ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

๐—”๐—ด๐—ฎ๐—ถ๐—ป, ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ ๐—ท๐˜‚๐˜€๐˜ ๐Ÿญ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ ๐—ž๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜€๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป!

And you know what, the solution Daryl provided in this situation was not so different from the story of Megan Phelps-Roper either! ๐Ÿ™Œ

Megan was a former member of the Westboro Baptist Church, a group widely known for their extremist views towards homosexuals (โ€œGod hates f**sโ€).

From birth, Megan was raised in the Church as her grandfather was the founder. Because of her upbringing, she was raised to see a very limited view of the world around her. ๐Ÿ‘€

๐’๐ก๐ž ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ค๐ง๐ž๐ฐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐Ÿ๐š๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐จ๐ฅ๐ ๐ก๐ž๐ซ. ๐’๐ก๐ž ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ ๐ญ๐š๐ฎ๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฉ๐ž๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ก๐š๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐Ÿ๐š๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฆ๐ž๐š๐ง๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ž๐ซ๐ž ๐ซ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ๐ž๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐›๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ž๐Ÿ๐ฌ.

It was only when she created a Twitter account to promote her Church was she exposed to alternative viewpoints. Anonymous people she had never met were now pointing out logical inconsistencies in her tweets.

One of those people in particular was a lawyer she debated and eventually became good friends with. ๐Ÿ”—

But the difference between him and other people who simply tweeted insults at her?

๐ŸŒŸ ๐™…๐™ช๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™ก๐™ž๐™ ๐™š ๐˜ฟ๐™–๐™ง๐™ฎ๐™ก, ๐™๐™š ๐™ฌ๐™–๐™จ ๐™ง๐™š๐™จ๐™ฅ๐™š๐™˜๐™ฉ๐™›๐™ช๐™ก ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™˜๐™ž๐™ซ๐™ž๐™ก ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ ๐™๐™š๐™ง. ๐ŸŒŸ

Eventually she started to doubt what she was raised to believe. She eventually went to her folks for clarity, but with the new perspectives she had been introduced to she did not receive a satisfactory answer. ๐Ÿคฏ

Eventually she left the church along with her sisterโ€ฆand her family shunned her. Today she shares her personal story with others, to provide an inside view when it comes to religious extremism. ๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ

As for that lawyer she once debatedโ€ฆthey’re now married! ๐Ÿ’

๐Ÿ™Œ WHAT DO ALL THESE STORIES HAVE IN COMMON? ๐Ÿ™Œ

๐ŸŒŸ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’”๐’†๐’๐’‡-๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•๐’†๐’๐’–๐’”๐’๐’†๐’”๐’” ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’Œ๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’๐’‘๐’‘๐’๐’“๐’•๐’–๐’๐’Š๐’•๐’š ๐’•๐’ ๐’„๐’๐’๐’๐’†๐’„๐’• ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’”. ๐ŸŒŸ

๐ŸŒŸ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’Š๐’‡ ๐’˜๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’Š๐’”๐’‚๐’ˆ๐’“๐’†๐’† ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’†, ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‡๐’Š๐’“๐’”๐’• ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‘ ๐’Š๐’” ๐’•๐’ ๐’”๐’Š๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’š ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’. ๐‘ต๐’ ๐’๐’๐’† ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Š๐’“ ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’… ๐’‡๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Š๐’๐’”๐’–๐’๐’•๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’„๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’Ž๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’•. ๐ŸŒŸ

๐ŸŒŸ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’˜๐’† ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’… ๐’„๐’๐’Ž๐’Ž๐’๐’ ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‘๐’†๐’๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’˜๐’† ๐’‰๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’š๐’†๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’–๐’๐’…๐’†๐’“๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’๐’…, ๐’ƒ๐’–๐’• ๐’Š๐’• ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’•๐’‚๐’Œ๐’† ๐’†๐’‡๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’ ๐’”๐’. ๐ŸŒŸ

These all may sound like common sense. But how many people do you see using this common sense on a daily basis?

How about yourself? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sounds like it’s back to basics, right?!

โค๏ธ BUT I GET IT! โค๏ธ

Seriously, I do!

Your need to โ€œbe rightโ€ is the same reason I want to โ€œbe rightโ€. ๐Ÿ™Œ

๐‡๐จ๐ฅ๐๐ข๐ง๐  ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ๐š๐ง๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ฅ๐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ž๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ๐ญ๐š๐›๐ฅ๐ž. ๐ˆ๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ž๐ฅ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐š๐Ÿ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐ž๐œ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ž. ๐ˆ๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ž๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐œ๐ก๐จ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฅ๐ž๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ž๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ ๐ฎ๐š๐ซ๐š๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ž ๐ฐ๐จ๐งโ€™๐ญ ๐ฆ๐š๐ค๐ž ๐š ๐ฆ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ž๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐š๐ฅ ๐ก๐จ๐ฆ๐ž๐ฌ. ๐ŸŒŸ

๐๐ž๐œ๐š๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐›๐ž ๐จ๐ฉ๐ž๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐ง๐ž๐ฐ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ข๐๐ž๐š๐ฌ, ๐จ๐ง๐ž๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ก๐ข๐œ๐ก ๐œ๐ก๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž๐ง๐ ๐ž ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฌ๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง๐š๐ฅ ๐ข๐๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ, ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ญ๐ซ๐ข๐ ๐ ๐ž๐ซ ๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ญ ๐ž๐ฑ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐š๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐š๐ข๐ง. ๐–๐ก๐จ ๐ฐ๐š๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ž๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ฉ๐š๐ข๐ง?! ๐ˆ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ˆ ๐๐จ๐งโ€™๐ญ! ๐ŸŒŸ

๐“๐จ ๐š๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ ๐ˆโ€™๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ซ๐จ๐ง๐  ๐ซ๐ž๐ช๐ฎ๐ข๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ข๐๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ˆ ๐จ๐ง๐œ๐ž ๐›๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ๐ญ ๐š๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐ ๐ฆ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐š๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ซ๐๐ฒ ๐š๐ฌ ๐ˆ ๐จ๐ง๐œ๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ฅ๐ญ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ. ๐ŸŒŸ

๐‰๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ฎ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐จ ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐ ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ˆ ๐›๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ž๐ฏ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ง๐ข๐ง๐  ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ๐จ๐ง๐ž ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐š๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ž๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ž๐Ÿ๐ข๐ง๐ข๐ญ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ž ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐‚๐ž๐ซ๐ญ๐š๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ˆ ๐œ๐ซ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐š๐ง ๐ฎ๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ๐ญ๐š๐ข๐ง ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž. ๐ŸŒŸ

But thereโ€™s 1 big problem:

๐ˆ๐ญ ๐ฐ๐จ๐งโ€™๐ญ ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ž๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž ๐จ๐ง ๐š ๐๐ž๐ž๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐ž ๐ฆ๐ž๐š๐ง๐ข๐ง๐ ๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ฅ, ๐›๐ž๐œ๐š๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎโ€™๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ž๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐š๐ฅ ๐ก๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐œ๐ก ๐š ๐ฌ๐ฆ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐ž๐œ๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ฐ. ๐ŸŒŸ

So, I get itโ€ฆitโ€™s not easy! It wasnโ€™t easy for me either! โค๏ธ

๐Ÿ™Œ BUTโ€ฆTHERE ARE SOLUTIONS! ๐Ÿ™Œ

These are solutions we need to start addressing sooner than later, so much as we are going to live together and not die together.

๐ŸŒŸ ๐™’๐™š ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ก๐™š๐™–๐™ง๐™ฃ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ฉ๐™ค๐™ก๐™š๐™ง๐™–๐™ฉ๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™›๐™–๐™˜๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ง๐™š ๐™–๐™ง๐™š 7.5 ๐™—๐™ž๐™ก๐™ก๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™ค๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ง ๐™ฅ๐™š๐™ค๐™ฅ๐™ก๐™š ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ฅ๐™ก๐™–๐™ฃ๐™š๐™ฉ ๐™ฌ๐™๐™ค ๐™ข๐™–๐™ฎ ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™  ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™จ๐™–๐™ข๐™š ๐™ฌ๐™–๐™ฎ ๐™ฌ๐™š ๐™™๐™ค ๐™ค๐™ง ๐™—๐™š๐™ก๐™ž๐™š๐™ซ๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™จ๐™–๐™ข๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ๐™จ ๐™ฌ๐™š ๐™™๐™ค. ๐ŸŒŸ

๐ŸŒŸ ๐™’๐™š ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ก๐™š๐™–๐™ง๐™ฃ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™™๐™š๐™ซ๐™š๐™ก๐™ค๐™ฅ ๐™ข๐™ค๐™™๐™š๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™ฎ ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™๐™ช๐™ข๐™ž๐™ก๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ฎ, ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ง๐™š ๐™–๐™ง๐™š ๐™ค๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ง ๐™ฅ๐™š๐™ค๐™ฅ๐™ก๐™š ๐™ฌ๐™š ๐™˜๐™–๐™ฃ ๐™ก๐™š๐™–๐™ง๐™ฃ ๐™›๐™ง๐™ค๐™ข ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™ฅ๐™š๐™ง๐™๐™–๐™ฅ๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™š๐™–๐™˜๐™ ๐™ช๐™จ ๐™จ๐™ค๐™ข๐™š๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฌ๐™š ๐™™๐™ž๐™™๐™ฃโ€™๐™ฉ ๐™ ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ฌ ๐™—๐™š๐™›๐™ค๐™ง๐™š.๐ŸŒŸ

๐ŸŒŸ ๐™’๐™š ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™™๐™š๐™ซ๐™š๐™ก๐™ค๐™ฅ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™๐™–๐™—๐™ž๐™ฉ ๐™ค๐™› ๐™œ๐™ž๐™ซ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ค๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ง๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™—๐™š๐™ฃ๐™š๐™›๐™ž๐™ฉ ๐™ค๐™› ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™™๐™ค๐™ช๐™—๐™ฉ. ๐™๐™–๐™ ๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ฅ๐™š๐™ง๐™จ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™ฌ๐™๐™ค ๐™˜๐™ช๐™ฉ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™ค๐™›๐™› ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™ฉ๐™ง๐™–๐™›๐™›๐™ž๐™˜. ๐™”๐™ค๐™ช ๐™˜๐™–๐™ฃ ๐™˜๐™š๐™ง๐™ฉ๐™–๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™ก๐™ฎ ๐™˜๐™๐™ค๐™ค๐™จ๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™–๐™จ๐™จ๐™ช๐™ข๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ฎโ€™๐™ง๐™š ๐™– โ€œ๐™๐™ค๐™ง๐™ง๐™ž๐™—๐™ก๐™š ๐™™๐™ง๐™ž๐™ซ๐™š๐™งโ€. ๐˜ฝ๐™ช๐™ฉ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™˜๐™–๐™ฃ ๐™–๐™ก๐™จ๐™ค ๐™–๐™จ๐™จ๐™ช๐™ข๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ฎ ๐™ข๐™–๐™ฎ ๐™—๐™š ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™– ๐™ง๐™ช๐™จ๐™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™œ๐™š๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ž๐™ง ๐™ก๐™ค๐™ซ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™š๐™จ ๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™๐™ค๐™จ๐™ฅ๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™–๐™ก, ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™–๐™จ๐™จ๐™ช๐™ข๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ฅ๐™š๐™ง๐™จ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™™๐™ค๐™š๐™จ๐™ฃโ€™๐™ฉ ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ง๐™ข๐™–๐™ก๐™ก๐™ฎ ๐™™๐™ง๐™ž๐™ซ๐™š ๐™ก๐™ž๐™ ๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™จ. ๐™”๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง ๐™˜๐™๐™ค๐™ž๐™˜๐™š! ๐ŸŒŸ

So, who’s with me in being the change we wish to see? ๐Ÿ™‹โ€โ™‚๏ธ

It doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes. I can tell you I’ve made plenty myself! What matters is you acknowledge those mistakes and continue to improve upon them. ๐Ÿ‘

If I’ve not convinced you yet to come along on this journey, perhaps I can share with you advice directly from Megan Phelps-Roper herself on how we can better communicate with others…

“๐Ÿ™Œ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ข๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐š๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ž ๐›๐š๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ง๐ญ.

My friends on Twitter realized that even when my words were aggressive and offensive, I sincerely believed I was doing the right thing.

Assuming ill motives almost instantly cuts us off from truly understanding why someone does and believes as they do. ๐ŸŒŸ

We forget that they’re a human being with a lifetime of experience that shaped their mind, and we get stuck on that first wave of anger, and the conversation has a very hard time ever moving beyond it. But when we assume good or neutral intent, we give our minds a much stronger framework for dialogue.

๐Ÿ™Œ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ฌ๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐š๐ฌ๐ค ๐ช๐ฎ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ.

When we engage people across ideological divides, asking questions helps us map the disconnect between our differing points of view. That’s important because we can’t present effective arguments if we don’t understand where the other side is actually coming from and because it gives them an opportunity to point out flaws in our positions.

But asking questions serves another purpose; it signals to someone that they’re being heard. ๐ŸŒŸ

When my friends on Twitter stopped accusing and started asking questions, I almost automatically mirrored them. Their questions gave me room to speak, but they also gave me permission to ask them questions and to truly hear their responses. It fundamentally changed the dynamic of our conversation.

๐Ÿ™Œ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ซ๐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐š๐ฒ ๐œ๐š๐ฅ๐ฆ.

This takes practice and patience, but it’s powerful. At Westboro, I learned not to care how my manner of speaking affected others. I thought my rightness justified my rudeness — harsh tones, raised voices, insults, interruptions — but that strategy is ultimately counterproductive. Dialing up the volume and the snark is natural in stressful situations, but it tends to bring the conversation to an unsatisfactory, explosive end.

When my husband was still just an anonymous Twitter acquaintance, our discussions frequently became hard and pointed, but we always refused to escalate. Instead, he would change the subject. He would tell a joke or recommend a book or gently excuse himself from the conversation. We knew the discussion wasn’t over, just paused for a time to bring us back to an even keel.

People often lament that digital communication makes us less civil, but this is one advantage that online conversations have over in-person ones. We have a buffer of time and space between us and the people whose ideas we find so frustrating. We can use that buffer. Instead of lashing out, we can pause, breathe, change the subject or walk away, and then come back to it when we’re ready.

๐Ÿ™Œ ๐€๐ง๐ ๐Ÿ๐ข๐ง๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ…๐ฆ๐š๐ค๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐š๐ซ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ.

This might seem obvious, but one side effect of having strong beliefs is that we sometimes assume that the value of our position is or should be obvious and self-evident, that we shouldn’t have to defend our positions because they’re so clearly right and good that if someone doesn’t get it, it’s their problem — that it’s not my job to educate them.

But if it were that simple, we would all see things the same way. ๐ŸŒŸ

As kind as my friends on Twitter were, if they hadn’t actually made their arguments, it would’ve been so much harder for me to see the world in a different way. We are all a product of our upbringing, and our beliefs reflect our experiences. We can’t expect others to spontaneously change their own minds. If we want change, we have to make the case for it.

๐ŸŒŸ ๐Œ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง ๐“๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐๐ข๐๐ง’๐ญ ๐š๐›๐š๐ง๐๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐›๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ž๐Ÿ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ข๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ — ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ฌ๐œ๐จ๐ซ๐ง. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐œ๐ก๐š๐ง๐ง๐ž๐ฅ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ข๐ง๐Ÿ๐ข๐ง๐ข๐ญ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ข๐š๐›๐ฅ๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐œ๐š๐ฆ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฉ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ž๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐๐ง๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐š๐œ๐ก๐ž๐ ๐ฆ๐ž ๐š๐ฌ ๐š ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐ , ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐ž ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ง๐ฌ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ง ๐ญ๐ฐ๐จ ๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ž๐œ๐š๐๐ž๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ ๐ž, ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐๐š๐ข๐ง ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ฅ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž.” ๐ŸŒŸ

โค๏ธ SO…HOW ABOUT IT?! โค๏ธ

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