Your MOST Important Valentine!

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!!! ❤️

What does today’s holiday mean to you?

💓 A day to share love with the people in your life?

💘 A day to spend time with that “special someone”?

💔 A day to remind you of the fact you’re still single?

𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 #𝟑, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮!

For all my single friends out there, me being single myself: no need to fret! 😁

What if I told you, me at age 29, I’ve NEVER been in a relationship?! 😱

“𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐘!!!”❌

Don’t get me wrong, I used to DESPERATELY want one myself! Back in high school, I was on ALL the dating sites and apps: Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Tinder, etc. I had them ALL covered! 😅

🗣️ “𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘥, 𝘋𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘥?!” 🗣️

At the time I didn’t really know, nor did it ever cross my mind to really ask myself why. All I knew was I simply wanted to be in one! 🤷‍♂️

I wanted to find that “special someone” that would make me happier. 🙁

🌟 BUT THEREIN WAS THE PROBLEM! 🌟

𝐈 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫.

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!!! ❤️

Often we’re taught, especially through romantic stories, that if we’re in a relationship with that “special someone” the heavens will somehow magically open and all will live happily ever after. 😊

It’s quite a romantic way of looking at relationships…but as a teenager I didn’t understand that that was NOT reflective of reality! 😅

And I get why we keep believing this idea: We tend to only see the POSITIVE moments of a couple’s relationship, on display in our social lives and for all to see on social media. 🖼️

We typically don’t hear about the negative or challenging moments that happen in relationships. Who wants to hear that negativity, right?! 👍

𝐖𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐖𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠-𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞. ❤️

But I didn’t know all this as a teenager! So, as a naive teenager, WHY WOULDN’T I want to be in a relationship? They seemed to be nothing but smooth sailing! They looked like mindless fun! 😍

But it was around 4 years ago that I finally had this big change in perspective around relationships. I made the unanimous decision to UNINSTALL and DELETE ALL the dating apps I was on! 😲

🗣️ “𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭, 𝐰𝐡𝐲?!” 🗣️

Of all the countless hours I had spent on those apps, I had finally become drained of my willingness to keep searching for that “special someone”. 😓

If I could take the ratio of time I spent browsing those apps to the amount of time I actually spent talking with someone, it would be like 500 to 1! 👎

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!!! ❤️

Ultimately, my excessive searching was a time-waster! And the worst part of all: I kept making myself feel worse each time I logged off the apps when I had no luck. Each time I blamed MYSELF for it! 😥

⚠️ 𝐈 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟: “𝐍𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞! 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞!” ⚠️

…And then holidays like Valentine’s Day came around every year. They would only FURTHER reinforce a cycle of self-pity that I wasn’t in a relationship. And it SUCKED! 😫

So, you may be asking: what was the “final straw” for me to make such a drastic change?

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!!! ❤️

Since my teenage years, I’ve come to greater realizations about why I wanted to be in a relationship in the first place:

⚠️ I thought being in a relationship was the answer to making me happy. But it wasn’t.

⚠️ I thought by being in a relationship, I could seek recognition and validation from others. But I wouldn’t.

⚠️ I thought that if I was in a relationship, it would fill the void of loneliness I felt inside myself. But it wouldn’t.

As awful as it sounds, 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐭𝐨𝐲 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫.🧸

But people aren’t objects! And owning more objects won’t make you fulfilled in the long-term! 💯

🚨 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. 𝐌𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 “𝐖𝐄” 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 “𝐌𝐄”. 🚨

How many of us get into a relationship primarily for selfish reasons? I challenge you to seriously think about it! 💯

So, in sharing my story with you all, I hope you see a part of yourself in this. Sometimes what we’re actually looking for is not that “special someone” but actually something much closer to home. 🏠

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄…𝐈𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔!!! ❤️

🌟 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭. 𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞. 🌟

Again, for all my single friends out there: no need to fret!

❤️ Relationships are not all sunshine and rainbows. We often don’t see what goes on behind-the-scenes, the ongoing commitment required from both people, or the negative moments which happen in them.

❤️ Inner happiness and fulfillment has to come from YOU first. Fill your cup up first so then you can easily share it with a future lover. If you can’t love yourself first, you can’t expect it to come from someone else, because you’re going to be waiting forever.

❤️ Self-love is one of the greatest gifts you can give. The only person you’re with 100% of your life…is Yourself! So learn to be comfortable in your own company.

❤️ Today is an opportunity for you to change your perspective on how you see relationships. They are not a place you go to GET but a place you go to GIVE, and not being in one DOESN’T determine your self-worth.

Make today a day for you to give love in whatever way you know best! For me, writing this post to share with all of you is one of them! 😁

Truly, you’re not alone! ❤️

——-

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