Imposter Syndrome

🌟 Don’t beat yourself up…

There’s a part of you that no matter how hard you work, it’s ready to tell you what’s missing from your life. There’s a part of you that no matter how much you believe you’re doing well, it comes knocking at your mental home to challenge you:

“Are you SURE you’re doing enough?” 💭
“Do you REALLY believe everything you say you are is true?” 💭
“Do you TRULY deserve what you’ve been given?” 💭

I’ve felt this in me before, multiple times in fact…

There’s the psychology term “imposter syndrome”. It’s the tendency to believe our achievements pale in comparison to what we believe we’ve actually done. To put it another way, we don’t feel the status, success, or fame we’ve received is equal to our own feelings of self-worth. In our minds it doesn’t feel like it’s “deserved”. We have this irrational fear we’re ultimately going to be exposed as a “fraud”. 👈

Would it surprise you to hear even the most famous of individuals have experienced these feelings? Individuals like Tina Fey, Maya Angelou, Tom Hanks, Anthony Hopkins, and even Meryl Streep have openly expressed feeling like this. Despite all the wealth, awards, and recognition they’ve received from other people, there’s a part of them that still at times self-doubt what they had accomplished in their lives.

What’s easy to forget on this journey called life is remembering all the achievements we’ve made. Now I’m not saying I’m a celebrity or am following the same path these individuals are. I’m saying these feelings of self-doubt are universal, these feelings of inadequacy and not being enough just where we are. A character from the film “Before Sunset” summed it up pretty well: “I feel like I’m designed to be slightly dissatisfied with everything.” 😝

This past year has truly been a journey: ups, downs, lefts, rights, zig-zags, and any way the Wonkavator is going. Even now, being almost a year since I stepped into this new path for myself, I have felt these emotions come up. It creeps up when you least expect it, too. As I write this, I can already hear the echoes of this voice in my mind.

But I have an answer for this voice as well as your own…

📍 Disconnect yourself from these voices. These voices are not You or Me. These are voices of Fear. These are voices from your Past, voices that are no longer serving you now and in your future.

📍 Unconditionally accept yourself where you are now in the present. The past (literally) no longer exists but in your mind. So why not take what’s most useful from your past into the future?

📍 Reflect on your achievements. These moments of self-doubt are temporary; all the achievements and impact you’ve made on the world and others is forever. Remember that everything you do has an effect, even if you don’t have the chance to see it for yourself.

📍 Remember your WHY. You are where you are today for a reason. Something might have pulled you here, something might have pushed you here, but you’re here for one reason for another. When you have strong enough reasons for why you’re here, your self-doubts will easily start to disintegrate.

Writing this post this evening was in it’s very own way cathartic. As much as there have been times I’ve experienced this self-doubt, I remember all the amazing things I’ve achieved in my life that have shaped me into the person penning this very post. This is a moment in time I won’t ever get exactly the same again. No moment is, and it honestly feels quite surreal thinking about it in that way. ☺️

But I digress. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not worth your future. I can guarantee you’re not alone, and that everyone else has done it before too. But the key is to remember those moments are not meant to stay; they are meant to pass. Much love. ❤️#TranscendLabels

Remember Your Worth

(PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 22nd on FACEBOOK)
I look for my social media page to be a very positive and inspiring place to visit. The posts I make are always with intention; there’s so much negativity, gossip, and unnecessary drama online so I do the opposite. Like how Mr. Rogers looked to change what television offered I look to do with social media. That may sound like a bold statement, but I’m still doing it my own way. 🙌

But there is something I haven’t mentioned. And I’m ready to share it now…

Right after I graduated college 2 years ago I got a job in the corporate world. I was excited for a new step in my future career. Whatever that future career was I wasn’t really sure, but for the time being I had plenty of security: good pay, benefits, a great manager, and a very supportive environment. Some may say: “What more could you ask for?”…💬

Well I actually parted ways with the company a few months ago. I “took the leap” without a safety net. In my idealism I was going to pursue: entrepreneurship! There’s the quote: “Say ‘yes’ and figure it out later”, and I said I was never going back to my corporate job, not out of spite but holding myself accountable to my word. 👍

In doing so a lot of realizations have come to me since I left. To say I’ve had A LOT more to learn than what I expected is an understatement. Trust me when I say when you’re in uncharted territory, you’re going to learn more about yourself and what you’ll need to do to survive. Because you’re living on the edge, your mind is in resourceful mode. It doesn’t have much of a choice if you want to survive. While this may sound negative, I’m in fact grateful I’m learning it all now so I don’t have to later! 😁

Fear is a great motivator to push you forward, but fear can also overtake you if you let it. It was a few weeks ago I got really anxious with how my bank accounts were looking, and I let fear control my thinking to settle for a nearby job as a Dishwasher. It’s not a passion, it’s not what I’m gifted at doing, and it’s certainly not the best value I can provide to the world, but I said in this case: “Money is what matters”. 🤷‍♂️

For a week or so it felt fine. I learned what needed to be done, and I got it done. But a few days ago I had a moment that is still sticking out in my mind this evening.

I was washing dishes during a very hectic meal time, one dish after another pouring into my area ready to be washed. Wipe Off Dish, Spray, Wash, Dry, Repeat. By the time I had finished all the dishes I looked at the clock. 4 hours. 4 hours I had been washing dishes, and I didn’t understand how… 😐

The obvious answer would be “I was keeping busy”, but I mean it in a different way. Where had my mind been the past 4 hours?! I was on autopilot, and I wasn’t conscious of it being so until afterwards. Can you relate to that feeling?!

Throughout the rest of my shift my thoughts reflected on what the philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre referred to as “bad faith”: this awareness I had taken on the role of a Dishwasher. There was no identity of Donald washing dishes for 4 hours; for 4 hours I was the identity of a Dishwasher. I didn’t know where the time went by…and I didn’t know where “I” went by either! 🤔

I had experienced these existential feelings before. And it was because I had experienced them before that another realization hit me too: it’s no wonder why so many people don’t have a sense of purpose and meaning in their life. So many people are not given the time to explore or develop them. So we are instead settling for what everyone else tells us is the case: “This is what you’re suppose to do”, “You have to make money somehow”, “That’s just how the world works”. Where’s the personal empowerment in these beliefs? Are you your own identity, or are you a job description? 😟

It’s honestly pained me before when I’ve asked people what their passions are and their answer is they really don’t know or if they do know they don’t believe it’s something they can do more often. It probably pains me too because it reminds me of myself a few years ago. As I said earlier I had NO IDEA what I wanted to do with my life a few years ago too. But if we really only have one life to live on this earth, I don’t believe we “have to” spend it lifelessly. It’s what my mission is all about! 👊

This evening I put in my two weeks notice as a Dishwasher. I have a renewed sense of purpose, and I have a set plan on where I’m going again. You can call it: “irresponsible”, “reckless”, “dangerous”, I’ve heard them all. It’s not changing my mind on the world I want to positively impact for the long-term. 🌎

I’m going to continue building my business/mission because that’s where my true calling is at: helping people and showing others what they’re capable of achieving. Life Coaching, Wellness, Social Media, and there’s plenty more branches on my tree in the future! “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”#TranscendLabels ❤️

I really appreciate all your positive feedback! I hope through the time you’ve gotten to know me that I’ve provided lots of insightful and positive content to you! If I have, I really appreciate if you SHARE this post so I can spread my mission of Transcending Labels to others! I want this to go global!  

 

Do You Believe in Coincidences?

Do you believe in coincidences? Do you believe everything happens for a reason? As my other blog entry about reuniting with my old friend illustrated, I’m a believer in this area, how life happens for us, not to us. The past few years I’m noticing what I’d call “happy coincidences”, occurrences I can’t fully explain but I can’t help but smile about. I’m not talking about anything paranormal, but occurrences that make me think that the odds of them happening were so slim. Nonetheless, they happened.

I’ll share with you another example. Two weeks ago I was on my way to London to do some volunteer work. I’d never visited London, let alone traveled to Europe by myself, so a lot of Firsts were going to happen for me on this trip! Little did I expect an additional First that I wasn’t even expecting!

The day of the trip, I anxiously packed my bags, got driven to O’Hare airport, stepped onto the Norwegian Airline plane, and traveled 4000 miles across the world to London’s Gatwick Airport. Minus my new sleeping accommodations, I was so anxious I could hardly sleep on the plane. By the time we had arrived at the airport, I was needless to say a bit dazed and drowsy!

As I stepped off the plane, it was now 10am in London. Still in my half-awake mode, I grabbed my bags at the baggage claim and went straight to Customs so I could enter the UK. I believe I waited in the line there about 2 hours, but given my sleepy mood I’ll give the benefit of the doubt and say it was at least an hour. It was one of those long lines where the airport had it set up to zig-zag throughout the room. It was one of those lines where every 30 seconds everyone took a step forward except you because you likely weren’t paying attention. It was one of those lines where you could look at the crevices in the floor and write a bestselling novel about them before you reached the front. Long story short, the line took a while.

And here’s where it happened.

I was waiting in line, rubbing my eyes with one hand and holding my baggage in the other. I’m looking to see where the front of the line is, and then to the back to see how much longer the line has extended since I got in it. And then I see him. I see a taller gentleman with a woman. At first I’m unsure, but then I have this feeling in stomach that I know who he is. This person that was about a dozen people behind me in line was someone I use to work with.

I remember my body feeling tense, because in my mind I debating whether or not I should ask and confirm it was him. The part of me that was saying not to do had a valid point: What is the possibility I’d really run into someone I knew from a different state, from 10 years ago, 4000 miles away from home, in the same country, in the same airport, and in the same room?

It was him. He was just as surprised as I was. We honestly didn’t know what to make of this surprise reunion. He noted how he vaguely recognized me, but he remembered. We briefly spoke, we gave each other our farewells, and we went on our way. This person, I worked with him 10 years ago at a summer camp. I barely knew him at the time then too, but I never forgot his face. As I got to the front of the line and walked out of Customs, I started smiling to myself: The possibility of that happening happened… 

I had many great memories on my trip, and this was just one that continues to stick out to me. 🙂

#TranscendLabels???

What do I mean to #TranscendLabels🤔

We create and use labels very often. We use them with political parties (Republican, Democrat, Independent), with personality traits (Introvert, Extrovert), with racism (African American, White, Asian), with sexual orientation (Gay, Straight, Bisexual), with food habits (Paleo, Atkins, Vegan), with medical diagnoses, etc.

Creating labels gives us a feeling of security, the impression we greater understand how the world works. They reinforce what we wish to understand more about versus what we don’t. They provide a sense of community among others who share the same beliefs and values.

And none of these things are right or wrong. But I’ve also found the more labels we continue to create, the more limitations we unintentionally set in understanding ourselves, others, and the world around us. I see it having a negative effect. Instead of the individual, we have a category. Instead of having multiple political views, we have a side to choose. Instead of understanding someone’s emotions, we have a diagnosis. Instead of understanding a culture, we have a stereotype.

By no means am I saying I’m perfect either. But I wouldn’t be where I am today if I kept saying: “It’s because I have Autism…It’s because I have a disorder…It’s because I’m an Introvert… It’s because Veganism is weird…” Transcending our labels and the ones we’re told about who we are, you will soon see how much you in this life are capable of. Much love. #TranscendLabels 

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Want to know how to Transcend Labels too? My FREE eBook “Transcend Labels: The 5 Keys” is NOW AVAILABLE! Click HERE to get your personal copy!