Around this time last month I was crying more than I had in a very long time.
It was hard processing everything that was happening inside of me. My emotions, the big and the small, were taking on various forms of heaviness. I was feeling drained. I was feeling confident. At another I wanted to drown in my sadness. My mind had become a battlefield of emotions. At the time it felt like these feelings were here to stay…
But when I think about it now, I still get emotional. But I’m still grateful it happened. Why?
What happened last month? I DECIDED last month that this year was going to be THE year my 2019 self thanked me for. I decided I was going to take the LEAP, take the jump into the unknown, and start building my own business. I decided that I’m leaving my corporate job very soon to pursue my business and my passions FULL-TIME. I decided I was going to start following my DREAMS to continue serving others, to show others what’s POSSIBLE in their lives, and not catering to what others want me to be. I decided this FOR ME.
Needless to say, I received polarizing reactions from people I told. And for the ones whose acceptance I may have appreciated the most, not everyone reciprocated. I felt hurt, and it did take me on an emotional roller-coaster. For friends that know me personally that are reading this, perhaps you may also be having similar feelings or reactions to what I’m saying. You can call me CRAZY. You can call me DUMB. You can call me BOLD. Nonetheless I’ve made my decision, and I haven’t felt more in control of my life than I have in doing so. I haven’t given myself a voice for a while, and now it’s time to let it shine. Whether someone supports me or not, I am determined to NOT GIVE UP. I will be too STUBBORN to do so, and because life is too short to not keep going. I’m going to help more, give more, and offer more. You can count on that!
All these things happened in the past month, and I’m grateful that it did. I went through these rough patches to be reminded that this path isn’t going to be easy, that this journey will be a rocky one, and that long-term this pain is temporary. It’s about the long-term, not the short-term. I think about the legacy I’m looking to leave. I think about the people I have yet to know and inspire. I think about the people who I can continue showing what’s possible. I think about the life I have yet to live. These dark moments today are merely building the foundation for who I’m meant to be.
As I write this, I am listening to the song that inspired this very post. It’s from “The Sound of Music”. One morning after a previous evening of tears, I played this on my laptop. I remember hearing the song, but this morning I decided to close my eyes. I wasn’t just hearing the words through my ears anymore; I was feeling the emotions behind them. I was crying again, but this time the tears were different. They were of gratitude, of love, and especially hope. I was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I was seeing that ultimately it will all be worth it…all the way until I find my dream.