How to STOP Beating Yourself Up!

🛑 STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! 🛑

There’s a voice inside of you that no matter how hard you work, no matter how hard you try, it’s ready to tell you what’s missing from your life. 🗣️

There’s a voice inside you that no matter how much you believe you’re doing well, it comes knocking at your mental home to challenge you, to instill some form of doubt:

“Are you SURE you’re doing enough?” 💭

“Do you REALLY believe everything you say you are is true?” 💭

“Do you TRULY deserve what you have been given?” 💭

I’ve felt this in me before, multiple times in fact! You are not alone! 👥

There’s the psychological term “imposter syndrome”. It’s the tendency for us believe our achievements pale in comparison to what we feel we’ve actually done.

To put it another way, we don’t feel the status, success, or fame we’ve received in our lives is equal to our own feelings of self-worth. In our minds it doesn’t feel “deserved”. And we have this irrational fear we’re ultimately going to be exposed for the “fraud” the voice inside us says we are. ☝️

Would it surprise you to hear even the most famous individuals have experienced these feelings before? Individuals like Tina Fey, Maya Angelou, Tom Hanks, Anthony Hopkins, and even Meryl Streep have openly expressed feelings like this. 😱

You wouldn’t expect to hear that coming from a celebrity, right? Despite all their wealth, awards, and recognition they’ve received, there’s a voice inside them too that doubts whether they deserve what they’ve been given. 👍

This feeling is universal. You are not alone! 👥

What’s easy to forget in certain moments of our lives is all the achievements and impact we’ve made on the world. When this little voice starts to appear in your head, it’s a sign it’s time for an expansion in perspective. 🤯

I’m not saying we’re all going to be celebrities or are following the same path as these individuals. What I’m saying is these feelings of self-doubt are all too common, these feelings of inadequacy and not being enough just where we are. But there are solutions. 😁

A character from the film “Before Sunset” may have summed up the human condition quite well: “I feel like I’m designed to be slightly dissatisfied with everything.” Can you relate? 😅

This past 2 years has truly been a journey: ups, downs, lefts, rights, zig-zags, and any way the Wonkavator is going. Even now, being almost 2 years since I made big changes in my life, I still have heard this voice come up from time to time. It creeps up when you least expect it, too. As I write this, I can already hear the echoes of this voice in my head. 🗣️

But I have a solution for this voice as well as the ones in your own head. 💡

📍 Disconnect yourself from these voices. These voices are not You or Me. These are voices rooted in Fear: voices from toxic people in your past, voices from destructive opinions said about you, voices which are no longer serving you today or tomorrow. It’s time to let them go.

📍 Unconditionally accept yourself wherever you are right now. The past, literally, no longer exists! It’s only being carried in your head now. The problem is we often carry the negative parts of our past into our future. So let’s instead take what’s most useful from our pasts into the future.

📍 Reflect on all your achievements, all the moments in your life you can be grateful for. These voices of self-doubt are temporary, especially when you reflect on all the achievements and long-term impact you’ve made on the world. Remind yourself that everything you’ve done in your life has had an effect. It’s the same reason why an act of kindness can have a ripple effect.

📍 Remember WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. You are where you are today for a reason. Something might have pulled you here, something might have pushed you here, but either way you’re here for one reason or another. And when you have strong enough emotional reasons in your mind to be where you are today, your self-doubts will easily start to disintegrate. If you can’t think of strong reasons, create some new ones!

Writing this post was in its very own way cathartic for myself. As much as there have been times I’ve heard this voice of self-doubt, I remember all the amazing things I’ve done in my past that have shaped me into the person penning this very post. 🙌

This is a moment in time I won’t ever get back. None of us will, not even you reading this very post. What we do with this time is what matters. ☺️

Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not worth it to your future self. You’re not alone; I’ve felt it before too. But the key is reminding ourselves that these voices of doubt are not here to stay; they are coming to pass. 😊

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Why I CREATE Content! (PERSONAL)

✍️ WHY I CREATE CONTENT!!! ✍️

I’m very grateful when people tell me how much my content resonates with them: how it makes them think, how it makes them smile, how it inspires them, and how it gives them hope. ❤️

It’s one of the reasons why I do it: it’s for ALL of you, anyone who wants to see it! 👥

If you are able to find value out of what I share, that is one of my many hopes. I hope every post, serious or silly, you can take something from it and take it wherever you go. 👣

I hope you are able to sit with the ideas I share long after seeing the posts, allowing them to simmer in your mind. 💺

I hope someone, somewhere can see one of my posts and is able to say to themselves: “I needed to see this today.” 🗣️

And that is just one of the many of the reasons why I do it. Another reason, I must confess, is 100% selfish! Yes, you heard me right: SELFISH! Me, me, me! A part of me posts content simply because I enjoy creating it and seeing the finished product! 😅

I write posts because I enjoy reading them back. I record silly videos because I enjoy laughing at myself on replay. If someone else enjoys my content, I’m really glad they do. But even when they don’t, I’m happy with my creation regardless! ❤️

The satisfaction I feel from making and finishing it is where my feelings of self-worth come from. 👍

Creating content has become a hobby where the more I’ve continued to do it, the more I find myself losing track of time, the more I continue to swim in Oceans of Ideas. It is in these times my mind locks onto a set focus as ideas float around the focus.

Like a puzzle, I take each idea and see if it fits into what I wish to communicate through my content. 🧩 Now saying this to you all may sound a tad pretentious, but it’s the best way I can describe my creative process. 😅

But there’s even ANOTHER reason why I post content! I have many legs holding up my Table of Content! 🦵

I also post content because of a bigger concern I see, one which is not just part of the social media fabric but our society as a whole. And in the spirit of the Entrepreneur archetype, I’ve spotted a problem and seek to provide answers and solutions.

What am I’m referring to?

📌 The excess of blame but a lack of understanding.

📌 The excess of style but a lack of substance.

📌 The excess of simplicity but a lack of complexity.

Let me clarify I’m not saying any of these are inherently bad. What I’m saying is when any of these are in excess, they definitely are detrimental. 👍

Perhaps you’d say these problems are way too broad for a single person like myself to take on. In fact, I very much agree with you. I’d love to eventually see this mission turn into a more collective effort. 🌎

But someone also has to take the first step, and I’ve taken it upon myself to do that, to be a part of the change I wish to see. 👤

🗣️ “Why does it matter to you, Donald?!” 🗣️

Because I see how we as humans are inclined to blame, label, and oversimplify things. I see how we can follow and listen to someone based on their physical beauty rather than on their character. 😔

And this goes for me too! I’m not immune to these inclinations either! It’s why I always keep working on them! 💯

It’s why it’s so easy for us to generalize people than to seek to understand then; it’s in our psychology. Our survival brains are hard-wired this way. 🧠And unfortunately, we can easily see the worst of those primal instincts laid out on social media. 💻

I can’t tell you the many times I’ve wanted to share something on my profile which surprised me, shocked me, and even frustrated me. I use to do so! It’s taken me a lot of self-discipline and restraint to consider every post I share. 👍

So for any of us to see things in a different or more deeper way will require all of us to do one crucial thing! 😲

Do you know what that is? I want you think about that before you read the next paragraph. 🤔 What would you need to do in order for yourself to think twice before blaming and generalizing? I’ll give you a hint: I just gave you the answer in the last sentence. 😉

🧠 It requires one to think! 🧠

💡 It requires us all to think twice before allowing our primal instincts to control our reactions.

💡 It requires us to keep taking a step back to assess stressful situations before choosing our response.

💡 It requires us to think twice about our behavior and if it’s something that serves ourselves and other people.

Alan Jacobs wrote in his fantastic book “How to Think”:

“Relatively few people want to think. Thinking troubles us; thinking tires us. Thinking can force us out of familiar, comforting habits; thinking can complicate our lives; thinking can set us at odds, or at least complicate our relationships. Who needs thinking?” 🤷‍♂️

It’s part of the reason why my posts are lengthy. As I discussed in my previous post (http://bit.ly/2KU8F6X), the more I’ve continued to educate myself, the more I see a complex world, one which in the next couple of decades I see is going to become even more complex. 👍

So I create content for these very reasons:

🙌 Because I want to introduce you all to a deeper world.

🙌 Because I want to show you the more you understand yourself, the better you will understand others.

🙌 Because I want to show you how thinking doesn’t have to be at all “boring”.

🙌 Because I want to show you how a life which is filled with purpose and meaning is a life worth living.

You may notice a pattern between all of these: you can’t get any of these by focusing on the Surface Level of Life. ⛏️

So yes, continue to expect posts which will challenge and make you think. I’ll also fit in a silly video once in a while for balance! 😂 But I’m still on an Learning Journey myself, so join me along for the ride! 🗺️

I mean, I definitely could just be That Guy who posts a modeling photo with a basic motivational quote as the caption. But I choose not to. There’s enough of that already online, and I’m not here to be just some pretty face! 😈

If I do share a photo (like the one for this post), you can bet there’s going to be more than just a quote in the captions! 😉

Stay tuned for more posts, and if there’s any topics you’d like to see me talk or discuss about I’d love to hear your feedback! Much love everyone! ❤️#TranscendLabels

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Why You’re NOT Alone! (PERSONAL)

🎒 I KNEW IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!!! 🎒

It was elementary school. I was a quiet, soft-spoken child. I talked with my classmates like any other kid. I played at recess with friends like any other kid. I did get a bit more in trouble than any other kid though, I’ll definitely admit that! 😂

But for the most part, I could’ve been seen as any other “normal” kid. 👦

And yet, I was different. I knew as early as 1st grade something was different about me. Of course, at that age I didn’t have the understanding I do today about what these differences could’ve meant. 🤔

In 1st grade there was another boy in my grade. I had never met him; he had a different teacher. I never talked to him; he had his own friends. But something in me, something I couldn’t understand, kept deciding to take second glances at him whenever I saw him. And it eventually went from second glances to many glances. 👀

Again, I didn’t know or understand why. The only explanation I could come up with in my mind was: “I just like how he looks.” 🤷‍♂️

I liked looking at this boy’s face. It really confused me! Remember I was just a little boy; I had no conception of what sexual attraction was at the time. I had heard about having “a crush” on girls, but that was suppose to be with girls, not boys. 👧

So as much as I questioned why I liked looking at this boy, it only kept coming back to the same simple conclusion: There was no reason. I just did. 👍

Then in 2nd grade there came another boy, but this time he was in a higher grade. The same types of feelings I had for the boy in my grade happened again with this boy. 👨 Again, no reason. No logic. But this time, my interest in him took an even bigger chunk of my focus while I was in elementary school. 🏫

I still have many memories of it all. But there is one other memory from elementary school I won’t ever forget. 😱

It was the moment I finally asked myself:

“Could you see yourself kissing a girl?”

I visualized it and I said: “Yeah.” 👍

But then I asked: “Could you see yourself kissing this boy?”

I visualized it and my response: “…I could, yeah.” 👍

But I also wanted to say no…👎

There is a part of me that is concerned sharing this with you all. By far this is the most vulnerable entry I’ve ever written about my personal life. I’ve NEVER written any of this down until now, let alone to a wide social media audience. It’s a part of me I’ve kept out of the limelight, purposefully not being a part of my online “brand”. 👤

A part of me has been scared of judgment. A part of me is also very comfortable with who I am at this point in my life that it doesn’t feel the need to share it. And there’s also part of me that is still scared of being typecast into a label of sexuality for what is only a mere fragment of my identity. 😨

But this post has been waiting to be shared for a long time. It’s been waiting to be shared for someone who needs to hear my story. 📖

Sometimes I forget this part of me which I’m now very comfortable with is not the same thing for others. While I’m now far more accepting with who I am, many others out there are still struggling with their own self-acceptance like I did. I was in the same boat for a very long time. 🚣

So in honor of Pride Month, that is why I write this post. Because this post is not written for me…✍️

📃 It is written for the individuals who hide a part of who they are to be socially accepted.

📃 It is written for the individuals living in fear of rejection if people knew this part of themselves.

📃 It is written for the individuals shaming themselves because they’re in toxic environments which also shame them: “It is wrong!” “Immoral!” “An abomination!”

📃 Just as important, this post is written for the skeptical who are willing to seek to understand through the eyes of a gay male himself.

Yes, I identify as a gay male. 👍 And I share this post for all of these people above. Because it’s so easy these days for a person to condemn someone they’ve never met, to label an entire group of individuals as simply “this” or “that”, to demonize from behind the safety of one’s computer screen. 💻

It’s always been easier to generalize than it is to understand each individual’s uniqueness. 😔

But understanding builds bridges. 🌉

Understanding sparks connections. ❤️ Understanding encourages bigger perspectives. 🌌

So amongst the Voices of Generalization I add my voice this Pride Month for continued understanding. 🏳️‍🌈

It took me until I was in my 20s to finally become more accepting of my sexuality. And some of you might be thinking:

🗣️ “You probably didn’t have a supportive environment.” 🗣️

But as a matter of fact, I was raised and surrounded in a very supportive environment. There were even points I “came out”, but often only going so far as to claim I was bisexual. It was never to a point I was fully comfortable saying it. It was also because I had never in my life been sexually attracted to a woman. 💃

In other words, everyone else around me would’ve been okay if I just “came out of the closet”. 🚪 The problem is I personally wasn’t okay with it. 👎

Me! I wasn’t accepting of myself! And me accepting myself had nothing to do with my external environment; it had everything to do with the internal environment I carried inside me. 😨

I hid my sexuality in shame because I was insecure admitting it. A part of me just didn’t want it to be true. 😖 A part of me believed if I could simply be attracted to women like most men that life would be better for me. There were days I wished I could wake up and be attracted to women just so I could blend in a little bit more into the crowd. 👥

Why? Because I didn’t want to be negatively judged by the wrong person. I didn’t want to be potentially bullied for my sexuality. I didn’t want my male friends to start assuming I was only friends with them just so I could sleep with them. 😓

Who, if anyone, would “choose” to have a sexuality which leaves them open to so much potential ridicule, criticism, and rejection? 😞

🗣️ “How do you know you’re gay?” 🗣️

I would ask a similar question back: “How do you know you’re straight?” 🤔

Because you’ve never been sexually attracted to someone of the same sex? It’s the same with me, only I’ve never been sexually attracted to the opposite sex. 👍

Again, I wanted to be. I can definitely a woman as “beautiful” and “gorgeous”. But you could’ve shown me as many Playboy magazines as you would’ve liked…nothing would happen to my physical body, trust me! 😂

So, I’ve known for a long time. And while I’ve been on a journey of personal growth the past few years my sexuality has really taken a backseat as I developed more parts of my identity. I’ve rarely participated in the LGBT community for a very long time. 👤

Before, my sexuality used to be a HUGE part of my identity. Now it’s but a tiny fragment and focus in my life. 🔹

Before, I use to seek out a significant other because I believed being in a relationship would validate me and give me happiness. But now I realize my happiness starts and ends with me and having a significant other is about sharing my cup with another, not getting mine filled up. ☕

So I share this with all of you now not for me, but for those who need to hear this. 🌎

For those who are still struggling:

❤️ There is nothing “wrong” with you.

❤️ Your worth is not dependent on other people’s approval of you.

❤️ Your worth is more than someone else’s opinion of you.

What matters is knowing who you are and living with that authenticity. What matters is the approval you give to yourself to be who you are. What matters is the opinions you say towards yourself.

Because once you build that self-love and self-acceptance within yourself:

💪 There’s less of a desire to try and make others accept you. You simply live your life with the people who matter most to you.

💪 There’s less of a desire to seek validation from others about who you are. Because you will have already created that validation inside you.

💪 If a person discriminates you, there’s less of a desire to fight back but instead understand them and be a part of the change you wish to see in the world.

💪 You’ll no longer feel like a victim of circumstance but instead a creator of your circumstances.

Shine bright my Pride family, and I’ll be right beside you. 🏳️‍🌈 Please SHARE with post with anyone who needs to be reading this! ❤️

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Why Opinions DON’T Matter!

An opinion is worth a dime a dozen. 💲

Everybody has them, good and bad, and now more than ever in history opinions can be shared instantly! 💻

Think about it: before the internet we didn’t have the privilege to share our opinions as fast and openly as we do now. 💨

If you wanted to write an opinion to a newspaper article, there was no guarantee your comment would even be featured in the newspaper. These days we can easily see them all in online comment sections. 📰

If you wanted to write an inflammatory message to someone, you’d have to get out a pen, paper, envelope, and stamp. You’d have write it, and then drive to the post office to mail it. 📮

The beauty of this was you’d have plenty of time to think twice before you sent a message you may later regret. Online you can send it instantly and never look back. 🖱️

What was once a privilege for us to express so publicly has now become a societal expectation online: “I have a right to my opinion!” ⚖️

Again, opinions aren’t “good” or “bad”. Some are and some aren’t. Some are constructive but many you will find online are mostly destructive. My main point is in how easily we can express opinions today. 🗣️

And I express them too! Read many of my posts and you’ll see I have many, so this is not about pointing fingers! 😂

I’m not blaming social media or the internet either. They are both tools, and depending on who uses them they can be used for good or bad. With every advancement in technology will always comes a new set of problems to consider. This just happens to be one of the problems we’re still figuring out solutions for. 👍

So what is 1 solution to these excessive opinions? Like the beautiful quote says above: Be the example, online and offline. You don’t SAY it; you BE it. 👤

Because most people won’t do that. Because it’s far easier to share an opinion than it is to set an example. 👍

Everyone has an opinion about everything, but fewer will set the example. As Dale Carnegie said: “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain. And most fools do.” Because setting the example and taking action is what actually changes the world. 🌎

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