Why Fear OVERSTAYS Its Welcome! (PERSONAL)

👊 FEAR HAS OVERSTAYED ITS WELCOME! 👊

I’ve been afraid of rejection. ❌

I’ve been afraid of being misunderstood. 👤

I’ve been afraid of not belonging. 😨

Fear has spoken to me on MANY occasions, always knocking on the door of my mental home, including the very moment before I broke this board at#GYLS2019. 🏠

Fear is the primal instinct that lies within us all, the emotion which once used to be a necessity for our ancestor’s very survival. 💯

But here, now in our modern society, Fear has long overstayed its welcome. 👍

👊 FEAR HAS OVERSTAYED ITS WELCOME! 👊

Why? Because so many of us are now living in a day and age we’re no longer struggling to get our basic needs met. We’re no longer face-to-face with Death the way our ancestors were. 👥

I always remember this when I talk to my grandmother about her past and what she had to go through in her life. 👵

As a child, she didn’t know when she would get her next meal. Her family couldn’t always afford enough food for every child. She told me how hard it was on her mother not being able to afford to feel all her children an adequate meal. 😔

I compare the life she had to the ones many of us are privileged to live today, the amount of food and options we have available to us today, not a thought in our mind on whether we will get dinner or not. 🥗

It’s why every time I go to her house she offers me more food than I will ever eat. And when I tell her I’m full, she always will eventually offer me dessert! 🍪

You could say: “That’s just what grandmas do!” But I also remind myself she had a very different upbringing, one which most of us have never had to experience. She was raised in a time where she had no choice but to learn firsthand the value of not taking what she was given for granted.

It’s no wonder why today she’s such a selfless soul in so many areas of her life: she knows what it’s like to have very little, and she never wanted that for her family ever again. ❤️

I’ve learned a lot from her about being selfless. Hearing about her life’s problems have helped me come to understand the “problems” I complain about today are so minuscule in comparison. Compared to hers, I have it real easy!

One thing I can also assure you: when you open yourself to other perspectives on life, your views will expand in kind.

👊 FEAR HAS OVERSTAYED ITS WELCOME! 👊

And yet, Fear in our society has found a new home in our lives. But it’s no longer here to help us in getting our basic needs met. It’s migrated into new territory, into far more trivial matters:

😨 Fear our friend is ignoring us because they didn’t text us back

😨 Fear eating food will make us sick because it’s not labeled Organic

😨 Fear not having cell phone reception while traveling

😨 Fear our child won’t get into the prestigious college we want them getting into

These types of “problems” are jokingly referred to today as “First World Problems”. To put it another way: where Fear was once useful for our very survival has now migrated its way into the most trivial matters of our lives.

👊 FEAR HAS OVERSTAYED ITS WELCOME! 👊

It’s not to say Fear isn’t an important emotion or that we should get rid of it altogether. It’s to simply say Fear is not required in the same way it use to be. 👍

It doesn’t have to be inside our mental homes so much anymore. 😊

We are blessed to live in a day and age where the “problems” we care about today pale in comparison to the ones our ancestors once had to deal with. 🤲

And that’s why I punched through that board: because I decided trivial “problems” weren’t going to run my life anymore! Moments before breaking it I wrote on it “Fear of Rejection” and put an X right through it!

👊 FEAR HAS OVERSTAYED ITS WELCOME! 👊

I’m not saying goodbye to Fear forever. I will happily welcome Fear back the day a life-or-death situation actually arises. But for now, I let Fear know I’m staying in charge.

I am in charge of Fear! Fear is not in charge of me! 💪

💥 BOOM! 💥

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Why Learning Isn’t EVERYTHING!

🌟 IT’S NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU INGEST, BUT WHAT YOU DIGEST! 🌟

“I’ve read 100 books on the subject!” 🗣️

“I have 5 Certifications!” 🗣️

“I have 3 Masters Degrees!” 🗣️

Having expertise in a subject is without a doubt important. Like we wouldn’t want toddlers performing open heart surgery or dogs flying helicopters, right?! 🤣

But what I’m getting at is just because someone learns a lot doesn’t automatically mean they know more. 😲

📌 You can read hundreds of books on a subject, yet never use what you read.

📌 You can earn a certification, yet not remember the very information which got you certified in the first place.

📌 You can go to college and receive a degree, yet never use the skills you developed.

Let me ask you a question: for all the school tests you ever took, how much information from the tests do you remember? 🤔

80%? 50%? Nothing?! You’re not alone! 😅

🌟 IT’S NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU INGEST, BUT WHAT YOU DIGEST! 🌟

It’s not about how much you know; it’s about how much you use. It’s not about the amount of information you receive; it’s about what you use with the information you receive. 🙌

It’s the reason why I’ll read the same book twice, why I’ll listen to an online course multiple times, why I’ll re-read notes from seminars I’ve attended. 📚

Because I can assure you: unless you have a photographic memory, you don’t retain every piece of information you learn just from hearing it once. 👍

You don’t lift a few weights at the gym and suddenly are fit for life. You need to keep going back to the gym to maintain the muscles you’ve already built. 🏋️

And the same goes for your mental muscles. You need to keep learning and building on what you’ve already learned. Otherwise, like a muscle, it deteriorates. 🧠

Repetition and application are keys! 🔑

🌟 IT’S NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU INGEST, BUT WHAT YOU DIGEST! 🌟

After all, why do you think I keep repeating this same sentence over and over again? 😉

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Why Our Darkness MATTERS!

Many of us have been there, where we’ve experienced such dark moments we would never wish them upon anyone. 🖤

You felt depressed. Worthless. Helpless. The feelings felt like leeches feeding on you physically and mentally. 👤

I’ve been down in the darkness myself. Contrary to popular belief, I’ve not always been this hopeful and positive of a person. 😲

But it’s because I’ve been down in the darkness that I’m up here now. ⬆️

I urge you: don’t let the dark moments negatively define your life. I want to provide you this post, to provide you hope. ☀️

I won’t tell you to forget about your past. Far from it! Running from your past suppresses what already has shaped a part of you. ↩️

What I will say is to use your past in a more empowering form. You’ve suffered and lived those dark moments…but you’re also still here. You survived. You’ve learned. You’ve grown. And you’ve become massively stronger as a person because you’ve been there. 💪

I know some people will tell you to forget about your past and just focus on all the positives in your life. 👀

But what those people miss is the understanding that out of darkness can also come much light. After all, you cannot have darkness without light. 💞

You would not be the person you are today without your past. It’s not to say the past wasn’t painful, but to say the pain wasn’t for nothing, that out of the pain came a newfound understanding, a knowledge many won’t ever fully comprehend. 🙌

And with that, there are many others in the world who are still struggling in this darkness who need to hear our stories. 👥

I love making posts to lift people up. But I also won’t be afraid to enter the darkness to find more light. Because again, you cannot have darkness without light.💡

You are not alone. You matter. And you are loved. ❤️

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How to STOP Beating Yourself Up!

🛑 STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! 🛑

There’s a voice inside of you that no matter how hard you work, no matter how hard you try, it’s ready to tell you what’s missing from your life. 🗣️

There’s a voice inside you that no matter how much you believe you’re doing well, it comes knocking at your mental home to challenge you, to instill some form of doubt:

“Are you SURE you’re doing enough?” 💭

“Do you REALLY believe everything you say you are is true?” 💭

“Do you TRULY deserve what you have been given?” 💭

I’ve felt this in me before, multiple times in fact! You are not alone! 👥

There’s the psychological term “imposter syndrome”. It’s the tendency for us believe our achievements pale in comparison to what we feel we’ve actually done.

To put it another way, we don’t feel the status, success, or fame we’ve received in our lives is equal to our own feelings of self-worth. In our minds it doesn’t feel “deserved”. And we have this irrational fear we’re ultimately going to be exposed for the “fraud” the voice inside us says we are. ☝️

Would it surprise you to hear even the most famous individuals have experienced these feelings before? Individuals like Tina Fey, Maya Angelou, Tom Hanks, Anthony Hopkins, and even Meryl Streep have openly expressed feelings like this. 😱

You wouldn’t expect to hear that coming from a celebrity, right? Despite all their wealth, awards, and recognition they’ve received, there’s a voice inside them too that doubts whether they deserve what they’ve been given. 👍

This feeling is universal. You are not alone! 👥

What’s easy to forget in certain moments of our lives is all the achievements and impact we’ve made on the world. When this little voice starts to appear in your head, it’s a sign it’s time for an expansion in perspective. 🤯

I’m not saying we’re all going to be celebrities or are following the same path as these individuals. What I’m saying is these feelings of self-doubt are all too common, these feelings of inadequacy and not being enough just where we are. But there are solutions. 😁

A character from the film “Before Sunset” may have summed up the human condition quite well: “I feel like I’m designed to be slightly dissatisfied with everything.” Can you relate? 😅

This past 2 years has truly been a journey: ups, downs, lefts, rights, zig-zags, and any way the Wonkavator is going. Even now, being almost 2 years since I made big changes in my life, I still have heard this voice come up from time to time. It creeps up when you least expect it, too. As I write this, I can already hear the echoes of this voice in my head. 🗣️

But I have a solution for this voice as well as the ones in your own head. 💡

📍 Disconnect yourself from these voices. These voices are not You or Me. These are voices rooted in Fear: voices from toxic people in your past, voices from destructive opinions said about you, voices which are no longer serving you today or tomorrow. It’s time to let them go.

📍 Unconditionally accept yourself wherever you are right now. The past, literally, no longer exists! It’s only being carried in your head now. The problem is we often carry the negative parts of our past into our future. So let’s instead take what’s most useful from our pasts into the future.

📍 Reflect on all your achievements, all the moments in your life you can be grateful for. These voices of self-doubt are temporary, especially when you reflect on all the achievements and long-term impact you’ve made on the world. Remind yourself that everything you’ve done in your life has had an effect. It’s the same reason why an act of kindness can have a ripple effect.

📍 Remember WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. You are where you are today for a reason. Something might have pulled you here, something might have pushed you here, but either way you’re here for one reason or another. And when you have strong enough emotional reasons in your mind to be where you are today, your self-doubts will easily start to disintegrate. If you can’t think of strong reasons, create some new ones!

Writing this post was in its very own way cathartic for myself. As much as there have been times I’ve heard this voice of self-doubt, I remember all the amazing things I’ve done in my past that have shaped me into the person penning this very post. 🙌

This is a moment in time I won’t ever get back. None of us will, not even you reading this very post. What we do with this time is what matters. ☺️

Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not worth it to your future self. You’re not alone; I’ve felt it before too. But the key is reminding ourselves that these voices of doubt are not here to stay; they are coming to pass. 😊

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