How Words Can HURT!


I recently watched a Danish movie called “The Hunt” starring Mads Mikkelsen (‘Casino Royale’, ‘Hannibal’). And it was absolutely devastating! 😔

No, the film wasn’t bad at all. It was actually a great film! It just was not an easy film to sit through and digest. It’s a powerful film, one that asks some really tough questions about the power of mob mentality and mass hysteria. 😱

It shows how groups of people will jump to rash conclusions about someone rather than gathering all the facts. 🤔

The film is definitely not a feel-good film. But with our current Outrage Culture where feelings and justice matter more than accuracy and facts, this film points out a problem that is still needing to be addressed. 👍

The movie tells the story about a quiet man living in a small community in rural Denmark. He’s recently become a preschool teacher, has a small set of drinking friends, and has recently found a new girlfriend. After recently separating from his wife, his life is starting to look uphill for him. 😊

But then a lewd lie is made up about him. At first, it seems absurd to the man that people actually believe the lie rather than him, a person the community has known for a very long time. But the lie takes on a life of its own. 😲

Soon the whole community has jumped to the worst conclusions about him. He is fired from his job. His new girlfriend leaves him. His best friend shuns him. He is charged by the police. But after the charges are dropped because of no evidence, the acts by the community escalate into threats and physical violence. 💥

Remember: the man is innocent, and we are given this fact as an audience member. Yet everything that happens to him in the film is based upon a lie. Even the person who tells the lie in the film eventually admits it was a lie. But she is not believed by the community! 😲

It is fascinating: the community would rather hold onto the lie than believe what they were doing was in fact harming an innocent man. 👤

It’s a devastating film, not just seeing this man’s life crumble, but also in thinking how eerily similar issues like these echo in our culture. How often have we heard someone make an impassioned accusation online or in the news and we automatically assumed it was 100% true? I have, so I’m not pointing fingers here. I’ve done it too! 👍

And don’t get me wrong, some accusations do in fact turn out to be true. We find out the details, and we confirm what was said is true. But there also others where accusations turn out to be completely false, the damage has been done, an innocent person’s reputation has been left for dead, and no repercussions are to be had for the accuser. 🤷‍♂️

In the Court of Law it is “innocent until proven guilty”. But in the Court of Public Opinion it has become “guilty until proven innocent”. 👉

It is these false cries where a person’s life can be ruined based on accusations and narratives which aren’t true. It is these false accusations which do a great disservice to the accusations which are in fact true. 🎯

That’s why I continue to emphasize it’s so important we separate the Facts from the Stories We Create Around the Facts. They are separate. You can read my post about it here:

But I’m not here to dwell on the problem. I want to provide solutions as well. There is hope! 😁

📌 Drop any cynicism for skepticism. The difference is cynicism jumps to predetermined conclusions regarding self interest. Skepticism starts from nothing. Cynicism wants the truth to be black and white. Skepticism wants the truth to be whatever the truth is.

📌 Question your emotions. Our emotions filter our decision-making. When we’re angry, we’re more likely to lash out and throw out accusations by the handful. One question you should ask yourself: Does this emotion serve me in the present moment? Be sure you are using your emotions and not letting your emotions use you. To put it another way: develop your emotional intelligence.

📌 Consider your common humanity. People make mistakes. People say things they regret. People also lie. And if you’ve never done any of those things, I’d ask if you were a human being. I don’t say that to justify at all what someone does. It’s to acknowledge your shared humanity with another person. It helps gives you a clearer focus on the situation supplemented with the Superpower of Empathy.

📌 Be wary of group mentality. There’s a psychological phenomenon that occurs when people are in groups, where they collectively become a microcosm of shared beliefs and actions. Individuality becomes lost and people conform to whatever the group does. It’s the reason a set of people in a group can start a riot, even if other members of the group never went in with the intention to.

While it’s easier to summarize a person’s entire existence based on a narrative and a few labels, you simultaneously box that person into a Filter of Perception of which everyone else is now going to be seeing that person.

The big question though: Is it really true? 👤

There’s a reason Don Miguel Ruiz had one of his Four Agreements be: Be Impeccable With Your Word. Words have the power to create as well as destroy. The problem is they’re more often today used to destroy than for any form of creation. 👍

That man in the film, no matter how many times he could say he was innocent, could no longer be seen the same way again because of the labels his community had laid upon him. 😔

But here’s the catch: No one is played in the film for a caricature. Everyone has reasons for why they do what they do. Like the characters who spread the lie genuinely believe others need to be aware because their fears say to the lie is true. Everyone plays a role in how the situation escalates. The film illustrates how it’s a group effort for these kind of things to get out of hand. 👥

That’s why developing our self-awareness is so important, so we don’t give into our irrational emotions and simply go along with the crowds. Because at times the crowd will be dead wrong. As Kierkegaard said: “The crowd is untruth.” 👍

Of course, there are people in the world who have in fact done bad things. They are people who are guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt and should be rightfully held accountable for their actions and punished. Justice should be rightfully served. 💯

But this post today was about addressing the elephant in the room. 🐘

📍 This post is not about the thirst for social justice but about the injustice that happens to the innocent because of the thirst.

📍 This post is not about accusations but about the negative consequences of a society where people loosely throw around such accusations without repercussions or personal responsibility.

It’s a society that will crumble under the very thing it continues to enable: blaming. 🤬

But again, I also have hope. And I hope you find this post one you can think a bit more on. Thank you for reading! ❤️



Buzzfeed: Why Journalistic INTEGRITY is Crucial!

“We are now in a media environment where you have to engage in false statements.” ~ Ben Smith, Editor in Chief of Buzzfeed News 🗣

Buzzfeed just published a defamatory article sharing anecdotes and “insider” testimonies accusing Tony of sexual allegations and mistreatment back in the 1990’s. 😔

This the same Buzzfeed that did a similar piece during Tony’s MeToo controversy last year when they cited a 10-minute video someone recorded at his event (out of a 40+ hour event) as “proof” he was some sort of misogynist. I was at that event, as well as the one they cite in their recent article about this past December. 😲

As expected, both situations were massively taken out of context in favor of sensationalized news by journalists who’ve never attended an event, let alone ever met the man personally. And it’s so easy to generalize what you don’t understand. It’s easier to label someone as “this” or “that” than take the time to know them or who they are. 👍

It’s quite easy in our cynical society today to demonize a person from the safety of one’s computer, to cherry-pick details as “proof” that something more sinister is happening behind the scenes of the Rich and Powerful. Conspiracy theorists online do it all the time. 🤷‍♂️

These days emotions can matter more than facts. But just because you “feel” something to be true does not mean it is. That is why we have the beauty of facts; they stand regardless and outside of one’s feelings.

The problem is our emotions can be VERY faulty. 👍

Emotions distort the facts about our pasts and color our perceptions every single day of our lives. 🌈

🌟 Whatever we believe and focus on about our lives, we will in turn experience it. 🌟

🙌 If we believe we are victims of our past, we’ll continue holding feelings of oppression for as long as we live.

🙌 If we believe our pasts don’t have to define our future, we’ll continue to find ways to become more than our pasts.

🙌 If we believe one of the feminist narratives that we live in a patriarchal society systemically designed to oppress woman and minorities, we’ll experience suffering with every interaction we have with people we believe are more “privileged” than us.

“Pain is inevitable. But suffering is optional.” 🗣️

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blindly siding with Tony. But I have more than massive skepticism for a news media which has a history of thriving on fear, decades-old controversy, and targeting Tony. 😞

Buzzfeed’s “proof” in their article are former disgruntled employees, cherry-picked anecdotes, and “insiders” we cannot verify any of their claims. He’s an easy target for them; he’s rich, charismatic, and aren’t we all cynical of the Rich and Powerful’s motivations to truly do good for others! 👎

But they are grasping at straws of a 40+ years career of a man who’s actually influenced millions of lives to live less as Blaming Victims of the Past and more as Loving Conquerers of the Future. 💨

They cite a recording from Date With Destiny this past December of a woman who used the term “emotional violence” in regards to her husband. BuzzFeed tried to get her to support their article, but she refused. She even made her own video discounting Buzzfeed’s portrayal ( I also had the privilege to meet her personally. 😔

Recording content is strictly prohibited at events. It’s not because of some diabolical means to hide what happens at events; it’s because snippets of these long events can take conversations and teachings greatly out of context. It’s so participants have a safe space to be extremely honest, open, vulnerable, and also be challenged on their limiting beliefs. 🙌

Buzzfeed violated the sanctity of this safe space and this beautiful woman’s privacy by releasing just 1 minute of the hour long conversation, all in the name of a false “social justice”. 👎

But to leave you all on a brighter note: the man responsible for the recording is under legal investigation and there are already legal actions being taken in regards to the whole fiasco (…/nicholas-fuzer-gary-king-and-b…). 😀

🌟 My biggest advice to everyone: don’t take what you read on the news at face value. It is more often than not done at the expense of truth. It’s done to startle you, to appeal to your emotions, to grab your attention rather than be truthful. 🌟

Here are just a few facts BuzzFeed, in their own words, “don’t want you to know” 😱:

📌 Contrary to BuzzFeed’s article: On Crew, management continuously encourages us throughout events to take care of our physical and mental health. They also provide us food and encourage us to take breaks whenever needed. Our health comes first.

📌 Event days are long. It’s done intentionally to immerse oneself in the material being taught. Participants are well aware of this. They sign a waiver acknowledging the event’s physical and emotional demands, as well as the acknowledgement NOT to record content.

📌 No event doors are locked, no one is told “you can’t leave” the event, and people are free to enter and leave the room as much as they please.

📌 Contrary to BuzzFeed’s article: the 2018 lawsuit they mention was actually filed by 2 former one-time Crew members claiming they were lawfully owed compensation for volunteering. Crew is a volunteer position. We all know we are volunteering without compensation; it’s why it is called “volunteering”.

📌 The concept of “masculine and feminine energies” is not Tony’s own theory. It is actually rooted in the Hinduism concept of Shiva and Shakti as well as from other relationship authors.

📌 Contrary to Buzzfeed’s portrayal: Tony does NOT “randomly” pick people out of the audience to speak. Anyone he’s ever done an intervention with or been given a chance to speak raised their hand or voice in order to participate. No one is forced to speak.

📌 Tony uses societal taboo words to snap people out of emotional states during interventions. This may include references to an “orgasm” or “masturbation” precisely for that reason; it shocks us into a different emotional state, whether that’s into a “laughing” one or a “being offended” one.

If anyone has any questions, I’m happy to help answer. I’m going to continue serving at Tony’s events and change the world for the better! ❤️

I unfortunately can’t say the same for Buzzfeed. 👎

Tony’s open letter to Buzzfeed:…/an-open-letter-to-buzzfeed-editors-and…

Others who work with Tony who Buzzfeed “failed” to interview:

TAD SCHINKE, Head Trainer:

ALONZO CAHOON, Director of Safety & Security:

TIM BALLARD, Founder of Operation Underground Railroad:

JOSEPH MCCLENDON III, Live Speaker at Events:

SCOTT HARRIS, Live Speaker at Events:

SHARE this real truth! 😊


#EnoughIsEnough #TruthIsPower #IStandWithTony #StepUpForTony