Why EMBRACE Change!

Last year I was in Glasgow visiting the Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum. It was such a beautiful museum, I spent nearly 3 hours looking at EVERY nook and cranny! ๐Ÿ˜

If you ever want to be reminded of how VAST our world and its history is, take a trip sometime to a museum! ๐Ÿ–ผ๏ธ

At one point, I had entered the section with an ENTIRE wall dedicated to Charles Darwin and his Theory of Evolution! ๐Ÿฆท

Before Darwin, our world had a much MORE simplified explanation as to how our world’s inhabitants came to be. ๐Ÿ˜…

Contrary to popular belief at the time, Earth is in fact WAY MORE than 6000 years old! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Not only going against conventional understanding, Darwin changed the paradigm of BOTH the religious AND scientific beliefs of his time! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

He showed us there was a world FAR MORE complex than what was once thought, presenting ideas which later laid the foundation for MANY subjects we study today including Biology. ๐Ÿงซ

But why do I share this post with you? ๐Ÿค”

Because there was one KEEN observation Darwin noticed during his studies. Verbatim, I saw this written on the museum wall: โœ๏ธ

๐ŸŒŸ “๐ƒ๐š๐ซ๐ฐ๐ข๐ง ๐ง๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐œ๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ง๐ž๐œ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ๐š๐ซ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐จ๐ง๐  ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐›๐ž๐š๐ฎ๐ญ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐œ๐œ๐ž๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž’๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ž – ๐ข๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐œ๐จ๐ฉ๐ž ๐›๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐œ๐ก๐š๐ง๐ ๐ž.” ๐ŸŒŸ

With COVID and everything happening in 2020, I find this quote stretches FAR BEYOND Darwin to our modern world today. Our world is constantly changing, perhaps too fast for many people’s comfort. โŒ›

But with this finding from Darwin, I challenge us to take on the this opportunity to continue adapting to whatever comes our way. Because we are greater than our circumstances! ๐Ÿ’ช

“Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.” โค๏ธ

How Beliefs POSSESS Us!

๐Ÿ“Œ The Optimist believes in the best for the future. Therefore their mind likes to focus on hope and faith.

๐Ÿ“Œ The Pessimist believes in the worst for the future. Therefore their mind likes to focus on what’s wrong with the world.

๐Ÿ“Œ The Realist believes in seeing things as they are, not better or worse. Therefore their mind likes to focus on facts, not the emotional stories about the facts.

๐Ÿ“Œ The Cynic believes in the selfishness of others. Therefore their mind likes to focus on distrusting other people’s “good” or “virtuous” intentions.

What do all these categories have in common? ๐Ÿค”

๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ฅ๐จ๐จ๐ค ๐š๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž. They aren’t “right” or “wrong” necessarily, just ways of seeing the world around you. ๐Ÿ‘€

๐„๐š๐œ๐ก ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ฅ๐จ๐จ๐ค ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐๐ฎ๐œ๐ž ๐š ๐๐ข๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐ง๐ญ ๐ž๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž. ๐Ÿ™Œ

๐ŸŒŸ Our beliefs constantly color and shape how we see life. ๐ŸŒŸ

Take an example of people who get into a car accident…

๐Ÿ“Œ The Optimist expects most of the people in the accident will be okay.

๐Ÿ“Œ The Pessimist expects most, if not every person in the accident will die.

๐Ÿ“Œ The Realist measures the probability the people in the accident will live or die based on the facts.

๐Ÿ“Œ The Cynic assumes the people in the accident were careless and intentionally caused it to collect insurance money.

๐ŸŒŸ ๐–๐ž ๐๐จ๐ง’๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ž๐ž ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž ๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ. ๐–๐ž ๐ฌ๐ž๐ž ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž ๐š๐ฌ ๐š ๐ซ๐ž๐Ÿ๐ฅ๐ž๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐ฐ๐ž ๐š๐ซ๐ž. ๐ŸŒŸ

Carl Jung talked about how ideas can possess people, rather than people possessing ideas. And when a belief possesses a person, the person is no longer in control. The belief speaks through the person. ๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ

I must add: beliefs aren’t intrinsically bad. We all have them and need them in order to function. ๐ˆ๐ญ’๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ก๐ž๐ง ๐ฐ๐ž ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ-๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐ซ๐จ๐ฅ ๐š๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ž๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฌ๐ž ๐›๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ž๐Ÿ๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐š ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐›๐ฅ๐ž๐ฆ. ๐Ÿ‘

So how can we check if our beliefs possess us?

๐Ÿ“ Acknowledge most of our beliefs are not even our own. We didn’t carry them from birth. We’ve picked them up over time and embraced them as our own.

๐Ÿ“ Challenge our beliefs. Question how they could be flawed or wrong. Question our ego’s need to hold onto them.

๐Ÿ“ Seek other points of view that challenge our beliefs. Don’t surround ourselves in echo chambers. It doesn’t mean we have to agree with those who disagree with us, but to nevertheless keep an open mind to a different perspective.

If weโ€™re unable to do any of theseโ€ฆwe may already have our answer. ๐Ÿ™Œ

Why Your Shadow MATTERS!

๐Ÿ’ฌ “๐„๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ๐จ๐ง๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ซ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ฌ ๐š ๐ฌ๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ, ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ž๐ฆ๐›๐จ๐๐ข๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ข๐ง๐๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ฎ๐š๐ฅ’๐ฌ ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž, ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐›๐ฅ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ž๐ซ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ž๐ซ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ. ๐€๐ญ ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐œ๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ, ๐ข๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง ๐ฎ๐ง๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ง๐š๐ , ๐ญ๐ก๐ฐ๐š๐ซ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ-๐ฆ๐ž๐š๐ง๐ญ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ.” ~ ๐‚๐š๐ซ๐ฅ ๐‰๐ฎ๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ’ฌ

The Shadow is the parts of ourselves we reject, the primal emotions we suppress for the sake of societal approval, the parts we deny out of a personal desire to deny they exist. โŒ

You could also think of the Shadow like “the devil on your shoulder”. The Shadow includes the thoughts that come up in your mind you’d never tell anyone else you thought. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

Think of an individual who is so kind, so loving, and so quiet. But one day you hear about an incident where they lost their temper, and you think to yourself: “NO! That is NOT the person I know! That is NOT who they are!” ๐Ÿ›‘

Or think of the priest who vocally condemns homosexuality in his church but is eventually found to have participated in homosexual acts. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

โžก๏ธ These are examples of the Shadow at play. โฌ…๏ธ

๐–๐ก๐ž๐ง ๐ฐ๐ž ๐Ÿ๐š๐ข๐ฅ ๐ญ๐จ ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž, ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ข๐ง ๐๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ก๐š๐ซ๐ฆ๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ๐ฐ๐š๐ซ๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฏ๐ž๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ. ๐Ÿ”จ

๐–๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฃ๐ž๐œ๐ญ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ž๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐œ๐ฅ๐š๐ข๐ฆ: “๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ข๐ฆ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐š๐ฅ!” ๐ฐ๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ž ๐๐ž๐ง๐ฒ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ข๐ฆ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ฅ๐š๐ฒ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฏ๐ž๐ฌ. ๐ŸŽญ

It’s why there’s so many people with emotional issues. It’s why we have many immature adults, ones who’ve never taken the opportunity to be better in touch with themselves. ๐Ÿ˜”

Instead, many have unfortunately had to settle for cultural expectations of possessing certain personality traits while suppressing others. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

A man needs to always be masculine and suppress his femininity (“Boys don’t cry”), while a female needs to always be feminine and suppress her masculinity (“Girls, know your place”). โ†•๏ธ

๐ˆ๐ญ’๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ก๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ž ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ. ๐ˆ๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐š๐, ๐ฐ๐ž ๐ง๐ž๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐š๐ฐ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ค ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ข๐ญ. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

In some circles like self-help and spirituality, the idea of the Shadow can be frowned upon. “Let go of the things which don’t serve you.” “If you focus on it, the more energy you give to it.” ๐Ÿ‘Ž

I understand those perspectives, however I take Carl Jung’s perspective: “I’d rather be whole than good.” I’d rather accept every part of me, the good and the bad, the gentle and the aggressive, than suppress it. ๐Ÿ‘ค

๐Ÿค” So, how does one integrate their Shadow? ๐Ÿค”

The first step is acknowledgment of its existence. Whatever your Shadow is will differ from person to person. ๐Ÿ™Œ

This DOESN’T mean you have to start expressing your Shadow or have to start identifying with it. It’s simply about acknowledging it, you making a personal commitment to being brutally honest of seeing every part of yourself, whether you are “proud” it or not. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

๐Ÿ“ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐œ๐š๐ฉ๐š๐œ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐š๐ ๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง.

๐Ÿ“ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ฌ๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฐ๐จ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐œ๐š๐ฉ๐š๐œ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฆ๐š๐ง๐ข๐ฉ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง.

๐Ÿ“ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ก๐จ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฉ๐ก๐จ๐›๐ข๐œ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐œ๐š๐ฉ๐š๐œ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ก๐จ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฑ๐ฎ๐š๐ฅ ๐๐ž๐ฌ๐ข๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ.

๐Ÿ“ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ƒ๐ซ. ๐‰๐ž๐ค๐ฒ๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐œ๐š๐ฉ๐š๐œ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐Œ๐ซ. ๐‡๐ฒ๐๐ž.

We acknowledge our capacity for evil while simultaneously choosing to be good. ๐ŸŽญ

As written in The Gulag Archipelago ๐Ÿ“–: “If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them.

๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ž ๐๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ ๐จ๐จ๐ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ž๐ฏ๐ข๐ฅ ๐œ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ก ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ก๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ญ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐ .” ๐Ÿ‘ค

So, with this acknowledgement and acceptance of our Shadows, we can then take action! ๐Ÿ˜„

๐‘๐š๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ง ๐ฅ๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ฌ ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐ซ๐จ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฌ, ๐ฐ๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ญ๐š๐ค๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ซ๐ž๐ข๐ง๐ฌ ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฆ! ๐Ÿ’ช

“๐˜ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง ๐˜ข ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ, ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ. ๐˜‰๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ’๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ๐˜ท๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด. ๐Ÿ˜ 

๐˜๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜š๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ข ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ’๐˜ต ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด?” ๐Ÿค”

What are some ways you could use your Shadow energy of anger and aggression for more constructive means?

โšฝ๏ธ You could take up a competitive sport.

๐Ÿ‹๏ธ You could use this energy in your workouts.

๐Ÿ’จ You could use it to get your work done faster.

๐Ÿ™Œ You could use it in situations which legitimately call for you to become more aggressive.

๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐๐ข๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž ๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐˜๐Ž๐” ๐€๐‘๐„ ๐ˆ๐ ๐‚๐Ž๐๐“๐‘๐Ž๐‹. ๐˜๐จ๐ฎ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ง ๐ฅ๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฎ๐ง๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ฅ๐ฒ! ๐Ÿ˜„

It’s what I mean when I tell people “don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater”. ๐Ÿ‘ถ

Integrating our Shadow can be VERY useful. But we always need to make sure we’re in control and using it for a healthy means. ๐Ÿ˜Š

๐–๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ, ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ? ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU FOUND THIS USEFUL! โฌ‡๏ธ

How We BECOME Civil!

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

Van Jones argued in his recent book โ€œBeyond the Messy Truthโ€ one of the biggest problems facing our modern politics is that political parties are no longer uniting under the ideals of Conservatism or Liberalism, to bring out the best of their parties. ๐Ÿ‘Ž

Instead, they are uniting under a shared hostility of being anti-The Other Party. ๐Ÿคฌ

Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt provided a similar argument in his book โ€œThe Coddling of the American Mindโ€ in the context of college campuses. ๐Ÿ“–

He cites instances where college students at Ivy League schools have forcibly interrupted and shouted down guest speakers they deemed โ€œoffensiveโ€. ๐Ÿคฌ

Once instance includes Evergreen State College, where a college professor expressed disagreement with students over their social cause.

Student protesters disrupted his class, surrounded him in a ring, screamed at him when he tried to speak, and demanded he resign from the university. ๐Ÿคฌ

To put it simply: ๐๐จ๐ฅ๐š๐ซ๐ข๐ณ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐›๐ž๐ญ๐ฐ๐ž๐ž๐ง ๐ฉ๐ž๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ก๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐ž๐. ๐“๐ซ๐ข๐›๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ก๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐ž๐. ๐‚๐ฒ๐ง๐ข๐œ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ก๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐ž๐. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐žโ€™๐ฌ ๐š ๐ ๐ซ๐จ๐ฐ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐œ๐จ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐š๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ž๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐š๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฎ๐ฌ, ๐›๐ฒ ๐๐ž๐Ÿ๐š๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ, ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฆ๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ง๐ญ.

๐€๐ซ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐œ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐š๐ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ง. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ’๐ฏ๐ž ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ๐š๐œ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐š๐ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ž๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐š๐ฅ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐ข๐๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง.

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

And I wonโ€™t pretend Iโ€™m immune from falling into these mindsets either. I also need to remind myself not to fall into these traps A LOT! So I don’t at all blame you if you fall into them either. ๐Ÿ˜…

But the message I wish to communicate to you today is you DON’T have to see someone else as your “villain”.

There is another option! ๐Ÿ’ฏ

Did you know Van Jones is close friends with Newt Gingrich? They are on opposite sides of the political spectrum. Van Jones is a Progressive Democrat and Newt a Republican. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

Van Jones notes in his book they disagree more than they ever agree politically. But despite that, theyโ€™re very good friends! ๐Ÿ‘ฅ

Newt once shared with him this piece of wisdom:

โ€œ๐’€๐’๐’–๐’“ โ€˜90% ๐’†๐’๐’†๐’Ž๐’šโ€™ ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’”๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ โ€˜10% ๐’‡๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’…โ€™ โ€“ ๐’๐’ ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š ๐’‘๐’๐’Š๐’๐’• ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’‚๐’ˆ๐’“๐’†๐’†.โ€

I think Jonathan Haidt was also right, in the same tradition, when he said the greatest wisdom you can find is in the minds of your โ€œopponentsโ€.

Your “villains”.

The people you label in your mind as โ€œpure evilโ€. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

A few days ago, I listened to a Joe Rogan podcast where he interviewed Daryl Davis. ๐ŸŽ™๏ธ

Daryl is an African American musician who is not only known for his amazing talent on the piano but also for converting over 200 people OUT of the white supremacist group the Ku Klux Klan. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

On the podcast he went in-depth about how this all happened, but the biggest detail which stuck out to me hearing his story was in how simple the solution was!

๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’‰๐’‚๐’… ๐’„๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’, ๐’‡๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’…๐’๐’š ๐’„๐’๐’๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’”๐’‚๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’๐’” ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Ž. ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’”๐’‰๐’๐’˜๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’ ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’‘๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’†๐’๐’„๐’† ๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’” ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’š ๐’๐’†๐’†๐’…๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’‚๐’‡๐’“๐’‚๐’Š๐’… ๐’๐’‡.

He learned what the KKK believed about African Americans, and he (again, respectfully) challenged their ideas. He even invited many of them over to his house for dinner! ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

They even in turn invited him to attend their Klan meetings! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

It wasnโ€™t long after that one of the top Klan members Daryl had met handed his white Klan robe to him and said he was leaving.

Again, this was just 1 of over 200 Klansmenโ€ฆ!

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

But the solution Daryl provided is not so different from the story of Megan Phelps-Roper either!

Megan was a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, a group widely known for their extremist views towards homosexuals (โ€œGod hates f**sโ€) and Jews. ๐Ÿ˜”

From birth, Megan was raised in the Church as her grandfather was the founder. Because of her upbringing, she was raised to see a very limited view of the world around her.

She only knew what her family told her. She was taught that the people hating her and her family at their protests only meant they were righteous in their beliefs. ๐Ÿ“–

It was only when she created a Twitter account to promote her Church did her worldview start to unravel.

She became exposed to other viewpoints. Anonymous people she had never met were now pointing out logical inconsistencies in her posts. One of those people in particular was a lawyer she debated and eventually became good friends with. ๐Ÿค

But the difference between him and other people who tweeted insults at her? ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’” ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’.

Eventually she started doubting what she used to believe so wholeheartedly. She went to her folks for clarity and could not get a satisfactory answer.

Eventually she left the church along with her sister, and her family shunned her, just like they did with anyone who left. โœ‹

Today, she now shares her personal story with others, to provide an inside (as well as humanistic) view when it comes to extremism.

Oh, and sheโ€™s also now married to her lawyer friend! ๐Ÿ˜…

๐Ÿค” WHAT DO BOTH THESE STORIES HAVE IN COMMON? ๐Ÿค”

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’”๐’†๐’๐’‡-๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•๐’†๐’๐’–๐’”๐’๐’†๐’”๐’” ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’Œ๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’๐’‘๐’‘๐’๐’“๐’•๐’–๐’๐’Š๐’•๐’š ๐’•๐’ ๐’„๐’๐’๐’๐’†๐’„๐’• ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’”.

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’Š๐’‡ ๐’˜๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’Š๐’”๐’‚๐’ˆ๐’“๐’†๐’† ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’†, ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‡๐’Š๐’“๐’”๐’• ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‘ ๐’Š๐’” ๐’•๐’ ๐’”๐’Š๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’š ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’. ๐‘ต๐’ ๐’๐’๐’† ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Š๐’“ ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’… ๐’‡๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Š๐’๐’”๐’–๐’๐’•๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’„๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’Ž๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’•.

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’˜๐’† ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’… ๐’„๐’๐’Ž๐’Ž๐’๐’ ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‘๐’†๐’๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’˜๐’† ๐’‰๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’š๐’†๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’–๐’๐’…๐’†๐’“๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’๐’…, ๐’ƒ๐’–๐’• ๐’Š๐’• ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’•๐’‚๐’Œ๐’† ๐’†๐’‡๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’ ๐’”๐’.

These all may sound like common sense. But how many people do you see using this common sense on a daily basis? How about yourself?

Sounds like it may be back to basics, right?! ๐Ÿ˜…

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

To end this post I’ll leave you with wisdom from Megan Phelps-Roper herself on how we can all better communicate with others:

“๐Ÿ“Œ The first is don’t assume bad intent.

My friends on Twitter realized that even when my words were aggressive and offensive, I sincerely believed I was doing the right thing.

Assuming ill motives almost instantly cuts us off from truly understanding why someone does and believes as they do. โŒ

We forget that they’re a human being with a lifetime of experience that shaped their mind, and we get stuck on that first wave of anger, and the conversation has a very hard time ever moving beyond it.

But when we assume good or neutral intent, we give our minds a much stronger framework for dialogue. ๐Ÿ™Œ

๐Ÿ“Œ The second is ask questions.

When we engage people across ideological divides, asking questions helps us map the disconnect between our differing points of view.

That’s important because we can’t present effective arguments if we don’t understand where the other side is actually coming from and because it gives them an opportunity to point out flaws in our positions. ๐Ÿ‘‰

But asking questions serves another purpose; it signals to someone that they’re being heard.

When my friends on Twitter stopped accusing and started asking questions, I almost automatically mirrored them. Their questions gave me room to speak, but they also gave me permission to ask them questions and to truly hear their responses. It fundamentally changed the dynamic of our conversation. โ“

๐Ÿ“Œ The third is stay calm.

This takes practice and patience, but it’s powerful. At Westboro, I learned not to care how my manner of speaking affected others. I thought my rightness justified my rudeness — harsh tones, raised voices, insults, interruptions — but that strategy is ultimately counterproductive.

Dialing up the volume and the snark is natural in stressful situations, but it tends to bring the conversation to an unsatisfactory, explosive end. ๐Ÿคฌ

When my husband was still just an anonymous Twitter acquaintance, our discussions frequently became hard and pointed, but we always refused to escalate. Instead, he would change the subject.

He would tell a joke or recommend a book or gently excuse himself from the conversation. We knew the discussion wasn’t over, just paused for a time to bring us back to an even keel. ๐Ÿง˜

People often lament that digital communication makes us less civil, but this is one advantage that online conversations have over in-person ones. We have a buffer of time and space between us and the people whose ideas we find so frustrating.

We can use that buffer. Instead of lashing out, we can pause, breathe, change the subject or walk away, and then come back to it when we’re ready.

๐Ÿ“Œ And finally…make the argument.

This might seem obvious, but one side effect of having strong beliefs is that we sometimes assume that the value of our position is or should be obvious and self-evident, that we shouldn’t have to defend our positions because they’re so clearly right and good that if someone doesn’t get it, it’s their problem — that it’s not my job to educate them.

But if it were that simple, we would all see things the same way. As kind as my friends on Twitter were, if they hadn’t actually made their arguments, it would’ve been so much harder for me to see the world in a different way.

We are all a product of our upbringing, and our beliefs reflect our experiences. We can’t expect others to spontaneously change their own minds. If we want change, we have to make the case for it. ๐Ÿ’ผ

๐Œ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง ๐“๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐๐ข๐๐ง’๐ญ ๐š๐›๐š๐ง๐๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐›๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ž๐Ÿ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ข๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ — ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ฌ๐œ๐จ๐ซ๐ง. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐œ๐ก๐š๐ง๐ง๐ž๐ฅ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ข๐ง๐Ÿ๐ข๐ง๐ข๐ญ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ข๐š๐›๐ฅ๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐œ๐š๐ฆ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฉ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ž๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐๐ง๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ.

๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐š๐œ๐ก๐ž๐ ๐ฆ๐ž ๐š๐ฌ ๐š ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐ , ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐ž ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ง๐ฌ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ง ๐ญ๐ฐ๐จ ๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ž๐œ๐š๐๐ž๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ ๐ž, ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐๐š๐ข๐ง ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ฅ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž.” โค๏ธ

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SOURCES:

๐Ÿ“˜ “Beyond the Messy Truth” by Van Jones – https://amzn.to/2AH3raK

๐Ÿ“• “The Coddling of the American Mind” by Jonathan Haidt – https://amzn.to/2BzEQFw

๐Ÿ“™ “Unfollow: A Journey from Hatred to Hope” by Megan Phelps -Roper – https://amzn.to/3cBdUSo

๐Ÿ“œ Evergreen State College, Day of Absence Protest (Timeline) – https://bit.ly/3ePeOw5

๐Ÿ‘‚Joe Rogan Podcast – Daryl Davis – https://bit.ly/2U9arnG

๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ TED Talk – Megan Phelps-Roper: https://bit.ly/2MwmFms

๐ŸŽฌ Accidental Courtesy: Daryl Davis, Race, and America – https://amzn.to/3czwSc7