How Good Intentions HARM! ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

โค๏ธ THIS IS IMPORTANT!!! โค๏ธ

Think of a child who is crying. And think of the parent who acknowledges the child’s crying, comforts them, and gives them what they want. ๐Ÿ‘

๐ƒ๐จ๐ง๐ž ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐ž, ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐œ๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ ๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐œ๐ซ๐ฒ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐š๐ง๐ ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ ๐ž๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐š๐ง๐ญ. ๐Ÿ™Œ

But eventually, as the child gets older, the challenge for the parent will be to distinguish:

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ’๐˜ด ๐˜ค๐˜ณ๐˜บ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ง๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ข ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ (๐˜ฆ.๐˜จ. ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ด ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฉ๐˜บ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ต)

VS.

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ’๐˜ด ๐˜ค๐˜ณ๐˜บ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜บ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต (๐˜ฆ.๐˜จ. ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฏ’๐˜ต ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ข ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ธ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜บ)

The parent doesn’t want to reinforce the latter behavior because the child will then keep using it to get what he/she wants. ๐Ÿ˜ญ

But what happens when these same kids grow up to become adults? What happens when their physical bodies have matured but not their mental emotions? ๐Ÿค”

It’s an issue I’m witnessing more and more often: adults who seemingly have not made it through the second half of what parents are supposed to do.

๐ˆ๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ž๐ž๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ž’๐ซ๐ž ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐จ๐Ÿ๐ญ๐ž๐ง ๐ž๐ง๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ก ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฉ๐š๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐œ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ข๐ง๐๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ฎ๐š๐ฅ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ฅ๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐จ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐œ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ญ๐š๐ง๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐ž๐ซ ๐š ๐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฌ๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐š๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐จ๐. โ†”๏ธ

It seems more of the default today to just assume that if someone cries, it automatically means we need to do everything we can to stop their crying. Regardless of the context, our nurturing instinct comes online instantly to support and comfort them. โค๏ธ

And don’t get me wrong, this instinct is valuable trait have! The last thing I want people thinking is that I’m promoting some sort of neglect; not at all! ๐Ÿ’ฏ

๐Œ๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ž๐ฆ๐ฉ๐š๐ญ๐ก๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ข๐ ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐›๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐›๐ข๐ ๐ ๐ž๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ข๐œ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ž. ๐„๐ฆ๐ฉ๐š๐ญ๐ก๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐œ๐ž๐ซ๐ง๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐š๐๐๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ญ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ซ๐จ๐จ๐ญ ๐œ๐š๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฌ. ๐Ÿ™Œ

And because of this, ๐ฆ๐š๐ง๐ฒ ๐š๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ฎ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฆ๐š๐ข๐ง ๐ข๐ง ๐š๐ง ๐ž๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐š๐ฅ ๐ข๐ง๐Ÿ๐š๐ง๐œ๐ฒ, ๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ž ๐š๐ง ๐š๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ ๐›๐จ๐๐ฒ. ๐Ÿ‘ค

๐Ÿ“Œ In our good intentions to stop suffering in the short-term, we inadvertently create more of it for the long-term.

๐Ÿ“Œ In our desire to be more compassionate, we unintentionally reward both good and bad behavior.

๐Ÿ“Œ And in our emotional haste, innocent people are needlessly caught in the crossfire.

Without critical thinking, we can end up taking every emotional accusation to be true and every punishment toward an accused to be justified. While behavior for legitimate concerns are reinforced, so are the behaviors of people using it for their own attention, validation, and self-worth. ๐Ÿคฌ

Why? ๐๐ž๐œ๐š๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ž ๐ซ๐ž๐ฉ๐ž๐š๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ž’๐ซ๐ž ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ฎ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฐ๐š๐ซ๐๐ž๐ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ. ๐Ÿ™Œ

It’s in our psychology: ALL our behavior, good or bad, serves a purpose. Yes, we will in fact do things which are destructive toward ourselves and others, not because we’re masochists but because it fulfills a human need we’re not getting from healthier alternatives. โžก๏ธ

As for these individuals: the moment they are no longer rewarded in society, the moment they no longer receive validation from their environment, my fear is they will be in for an incredibly rude awakening. They’re going to be hit with the realization that the world, in fact, does not revolve around them. Theyโ€™re going to be faced with a deep existential problem within themselves that’s not going to be pleasant. ๐Ÿ™

Iโ€™ve lived it myself. โค๏ธ

The truth is that life doesn’t work that way. The world does not revolve around us. Life is constantly changing. The world is constantly changing.

The lesson I wish to impart on you all is if we constantly rely on finding happiness outside ourselves, weโ€™re going to continually be disappointed. Weโ€™re going to continually experience suffering when it doesnโ€™t have to be the case. ๐Ÿ˜”

I’ve learned that if we truly want to live our lives in ways that are more fulfilling, more happy, and more satisfying, we first have to leave the emotional home we’ve been stuck in for so long. We have to be okay with accepting the โ€œharder truthsโ€ of life, even when they’re not pleasant.

But because I now accept them, and because Iโ€™ve had the experience of being on both sides of the coin, I feel so much more alive today because of it! ๐Ÿ™Œ

๐Ÿ“Œ I would NOT be where I am today if I kept believing the world needed to revolve around me.

๐Ÿ“Œ I would NOT be where I am today if my happiness was dependent upon someone else’s acceptance of who I am.

๐Ÿ“Œ I would NOT be where I am today if everything in life had to go exactly the way I wanted it to.

I am gay, yes. I was diagnosed with Autism, yes. If anyone wants more ammo, I was also diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety, yes. ๐Ÿ‘

If you donโ€™t accept me for it, thatโ€™s fine. If you discriminate me for it, so be it. As Les Brown beautifully put it: “Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”

I love the person, but I wonโ€™t reinforce the bad behavior. ๐Ÿ‘

Just like a parent wouldnโ€™t, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Words and insults donโ€™t mean anything unless we give them power. There are indeed moments where someone elseโ€™s words have sparked a tenseness and change in my emotions. It happens to us all. But when it does happen, the challenge is to take a step back and remind oneself: “๐˜ ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด.” ๐Ÿคทโ™‚๏ธ

๐ŸŒŸ ๐ƒ๐จ๐งโ€™๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ž๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ ๐๐ข๐œ๐ญ๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐›๐ž๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ซ; ๐ฅ๐ž๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐›๐ž๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ข๐œ๐ญ๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ. ๐ŸŒŸ

I say all this because I donโ€™t want more people to needlessly suffer. Iโ€™m sure you donโ€™t either. โค๏ธ

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How Others Help Us Understand OURSEVLES!

Ever met someone you simply couldn’t get along with?ย ๐Ÿค”

Say you’re introduced to a new person. But as you get to know then, something about them just ‘rubs you the wrong way’ and you don’t like them. Ever had that feeling before?ย ๐Ÿ‘

There was once an online acquaintance I met. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but for some reason I just didn’t enjoy talking to him. In my perspective my ego was saying he was “overconfident” and “cocky”.ย ๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ

I felt this person was not someone I could see myself getting along with long-term…ย ๐Ÿ‘

There’s the quote: “Every problem introduces a person to himself.” At first it bothered me that I didn’t understand why I disliked this person. But then I thought about it in a different way:

๐ŸŒŸย “What does my dislike for this person say about ME?”ย ๐ŸŒŸ

After further thinking, I discovered this key nugget: He wasn’t in fact “overconfident” or “cocky”. That was only in my interpretation of his behavior. There were many others that didn’t see his words or actions like I did!ย ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

โš ๏ธย In fact: What I rejected about him were things I actually reject within myself.ย โš ๏ธ

I have had fears in the past of my content online coming off as “overconfident” and “cocky”. In psychology, the term is called projection: I unconsciously attributed the things I fear about myself and claimed they were in another person!ย ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

It’s why self awareness is so important! The more you become aware of yourself and how you function, the better you can help others in similar situations. Remember: It’s not just for Me, but We.ย ๐ŸŒŽ

The next time you feel the need to criticize another person, flip the criticism back at you. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong, but it’s so you can ask yourself what you can learn about yourself from these feelings.ย ๐Ÿ˜ย #TranscendLabels

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