Why Your Shadow MATTERS!

๐Ÿ’ฌ “๐„๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ๐จ๐ง๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ซ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ฌ ๐š ๐ฌ๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ, ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ž๐ฆ๐›๐จ๐๐ข๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ข๐ง๐๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ฎ๐š๐ฅ’๐ฌ ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž, ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐›๐ฅ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ž๐ซ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ž๐ซ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ. ๐€๐ญ ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐œ๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ, ๐ข๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง ๐ฎ๐ง๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ง๐š๐ , ๐ญ๐ก๐ฐ๐š๐ซ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ-๐ฆ๐ž๐š๐ง๐ญ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ.” ~ ๐‚๐š๐ซ๐ฅ ๐‰๐ฎ๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ’ฌ

The Shadow is the parts of ourselves we reject, the primal emotions we suppress for the sake of societal approval, the parts we deny out of a personal desire to deny they exist. โŒ

You could also think of the Shadow like “the devil on your shoulder”. The Shadow includes the thoughts that come up in your mind you’d never tell anyone else you thought. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

Think of an individual who is so kind, so loving, and so quiet. But one day you hear about an incident where they lost their temper, and you think to yourself: “NO! That is NOT the person I know! That is NOT who they are!” ๐Ÿ›‘

Or think of the priest who vocally condemns homosexuality in his church but is eventually found to have participated in homosexual acts. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

โžก๏ธ These are examples of the Shadow at play. โฌ…๏ธ

๐–๐ก๐ž๐ง ๐ฐ๐ž ๐Ÿ๐š๐ข๐ฅ ๐ญ๐จ ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž, ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ข๐ง ๐๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ก๐š๐ซ๐ฆ๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ๐ฐ๐š๐ซ๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฏ๐ž๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ. ๐Ÿ”จ

๐–๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฃ๐ž๐œ๐ญ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ž๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐œ๐ฅ๐š๐ข๐ฆ: “๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ข๐ฆ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐š๐ฅ!” ๐ฐ๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ž ๐๐ž๐ง๐ฒ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ข๐ฆ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ฅ๐š๐ฒ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฏ๐ž๐ฌ. ๐ŸŽญ

It’s why there’s so many people with emotional issues. It’s why we have many immature adults, ones who’ve never taken the opportunity to be better in touch with themselves. ๐Ÿ˜”

Instead, many have unfortunately had to settle for cultural expectations of possessing certain personality traits while suppressing others. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

A man needs to always be masculine and suppress his femininity (“Boys don’t cry”), while a female needs to always be feminine and suppress her masculinity (“Girls, know your place”). โ†•๏ธ

๐ˆ๐ญ’๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ก๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ž ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ. ๐ˆ๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐š๐, ๐ฐ๐ž ๐ง๐ž๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐š๐ฐ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ค ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ข๐ญ. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

In some circles like self-help and spirituality, the idea of the Shadow can be frowned upon. “Let go of the things which don’t serve you.” “If you focus on it, the more energy you give to it.” ๐Ÿ‘Ž

I understand those perspectives, however I take Carl Jung’s perspective: “I’d rather be whole than good.” I’d rather accept every part of me, the good and the bad, the gentle and the aggressive, than suppress it. ๐Ÿ‘ค

๐Ÿค” So, how does one integrate their Shadow? ๐Ÿค”

The first step is acknowledgment of its existence. Whatever your Shadow is will differ from person to person. ๐Ÿ™Œ

This DOESN’T mean you have to start expressing your Shadow or have to start identifying with it. It’s simply about acknowledging it, you making a personal commitment to being brutally honest of seeing every part of yourself, whether you are “proud” it or not. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

๐Ÿ“ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐œ๐š๐ฉ๐š๐œ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐š๐ ๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง.

๐Ÿ“ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ฌ๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฐ๐จ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐œ๐š๐ฉ๐š๐œ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฆ๐š๐ง๐ข๐ฉ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง.

๐Ÿ“ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ก๐จ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฉ๐ก๐จ๐›๐ข๐œ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐œ๐š๐ฉ๐š๐œ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ก๐จ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฑ๐ฎ๐š๐ฅ ๐๐ž๐ฌ๐ข๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ.

๐Ÿ“ ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ƒ๐ซ. ๐‰๐ž๐ค๐ฒ๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐๐ ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐œ๐š๐ฉ๐š๐œ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐Œ๐ซ. ๐‡๐ฒ๐๐ž.

We acknowledge our capacity for evil while simultaneously choosing to be good. ๐ŸŽญ

As written in The Gulag Archipelago ๐Ÿ“–: “If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them.

๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ž ๐๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ ๐จ๐จ๐ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ž๐ฏ๐ข๐ฅ ๐œ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ก ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ก๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ญ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐ .” ๐Ÿ‘ค

So, with this acknowledgement and acceptance of our Shadows, we can then take action! ๐Ÿ˜„

๐‘๐š๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ง ๐ฅ๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ฌ ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐ซ๐จ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฌ, ๐ฐ๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ญ๐š๐ค๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ซ๐ž๐ข๐ง๐ฌ ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฆ! ๐Ÿ’ช

“๐˜ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง ๐˜ข ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ, ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ. ๐˜‰๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ’๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ๐˜ท๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด. ๐Ÿ˜ 

๐˜๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜š๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ข ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ’๐˜ต ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด?” ๐Ÿค”

What are some ways you could use your Shadow energy of anger and aggression for more constructive means?

โšฝ๏ธ You could take up a competitive sport.

๐Ÿ‹๏ธ You could use this energy in your workouts.

๐Ÿ’จ You could use it to get your work done faster.

๐Ÿ™Œ You could use it in situations which legitimately call for you to become more aggressive.

๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐๐ข๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž ๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐˜๐Ž๐” ๐€๐‘๐„ ๐ˆ๐ ๐‚๐Ž๐๐“๐‘๐Ž๐‹. ๐˜๐จ๐ฎ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ง ๐ฅ๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฎ๐ง๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ฅ๐ฒ! ๐Ÿ˜„

It’s what I mean when I tell people “don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater”. ๐Ÿ‘ถ

Integrating our Shadow can be VERY useful. But we always need to make sure we’re in control and using it for a healthy means. ๐Ÿ˜Š

๐–๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐š๐๐จ๐ฐ, ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ? ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU FOUND THIS USEFUL! โฌ‡๏ธ

How We BECOME Civil!

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

Van Jones argued in his recent book โ€œBeyond the Messy Truthโ€ one of the biggest problems facing our modern politics is that political parties are no longer uniting under the ideals of Conservatism or Liberalism, to bring out the best of their parties. ๐Ÿ‘Ž

Instead, they are uniting under a shared hostility of being anti-The Other Party. ๐Ÿคฌ

Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt provided a similar argument in his book โ€œThe Coddling of the American Mindโ€ in the context of college campuses. ๐Ÿ“–

He cites instances where college students at Ivy League schools have forcibly interrupted and shouted down guest speakers they deemed โ€œoffensiveโ€. ๐Ÿคฌ

Once instance includes Evergreen State College, where a college professor expressed disagreement with students over their social cause.

Student protesters disrupted his class, surrounded him in a ring, screamed at him when he tried to speak, and demanded he resign from the university. ๐Ÿคฌ

To put it simply: ๐๐จ๐ฅ๐š๐ซ๐ข๐ณ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐›๐ž๐ญ๐ฐ๐ž๐ž๐ง ๐ฉ๐ž๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ก๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐ž๐. ๐“๐ซ๐ข๐›๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ก๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐ž๐. ๐‚๐ฒ๐ง๐ข๐œ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ก๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐ž๐. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐žโ€™๐ฌ ๐š ๐ ๐ซ๐จ๐ฐ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐œ๐จ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐š๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ž๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐š๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฎ๐ฌ, ๐›๐ฒ ๐๐ž๐Ÿ๐š๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ, ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฆ๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ง๐ญ.

๐€๐ซ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐œ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐š๐ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ง. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ’๐ฏ๐ž ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ๐š๐œ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐š๐ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ž๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐š๐ฅ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐ข๐๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง.

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

And I wonโ€™t pretend Iโ€™m immune from falling into these mindsets either. I also need to remind myself not to fall into these traps A LOT! So I don’t at all blame you if you fall into them either. ๐Ÿ˜…

But the message I wish to communicate to you today is you DON’T have to see someone else as your “villain”.

There is another option! ๐Ÿ’ฏ

Did you know Van Jones is close friends with Newt Gingrich? They are on opposite sides of the political spectrum. Van Jones is a Progressive Democrat and Newt a Republican. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

Van Jones notes in his book they disagree more than they ever agree politically. But despite that, theyโ€™re very good friends! ๐Ÿ‘ฅ

Newt once shared with him this piece of wisdom:

โ€œ๐’€๐’๐’–๐’“ โ€˜90% ๐’†๐’๐’†๐’Ž๐’šโ€™ ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’”๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ โ€˜10% ๐’‡๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’…โ€™ โ€“ ๐’๐’ ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š ๐’‘๐’๐’Š๐’๐’• ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’‚๐’ˆ๐’“๐’†๐’†.โ€

I think Jonathan Haidt was also right, in the same tradition, when he said the greatest wisdom you can find is in the minds of your โ€œopponentsโ€.

Your “villains”.

The people you label in your mind as โ€œpure evilโ€. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

A few days ago, I listened to a Joe Rogan podcast where he interviewed Daryl Davis. ๐ŸŽ™๏ธ

Daryl is an African American musician who is not only known for his amazing talent on the piano but also for converting over 200 people OUT of the white supremacist group the Ku Klux Klan. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

On the podcast he went in-depth about how this all happened, but the biggest detail which stuck out to me hearing his story was in how simple the solution was!

๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’‰๐’‚๐’… ๐’„๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’, ๐’‡๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’…๐’๐’š ๐’„๐’๐’๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’”๐’‚๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’๐’” ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Ž. ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’”๐’‰๐’๐’˜๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’ ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’‘๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’†๐’๐’„๐’† ๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’” ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’š ๐’๐’†๐’†๐’…๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’‚๐’‡๐’“๐’‚๐’Š๐’… ๐’๐’‡.

He learned what the KKK believed about African Americans, and he (again, respectfully) challenged their ideas. He even invited many of them over to his house for dinner! ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

They even in turn invited him to attend their Klan meetings! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

It wasnโ€™t long after that one of the top Klan members Daryl had met handed his white Klan robe to him and said he was leaving.

Again, this was just 1 of over 200 Klansmenโ€ฆ!

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

But the solution Daryl provided is not so different from the story of Megan Phelps-Roper either!

Megan was a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, a group widely known for their extremist views towards homosexuals (โ€œGod hates f**sโ€) and Jews. ๐Ÿ˜”

From birth, Megan was raised in the Church as her grandfather was the founder. Because of her upbringing, she was raised to see a very limited view of the world around her.

She only knew what her family told her. She was taught that the people hating her and her family at their protests only meant they were righteous in their beliefs. ๐Ÿ“–

It was only when she created a Twitter account to promote her Church did her worldview start to unravel.

She became exposed to other viewpoints. Anonymous people she had never met were now pointing out logical inconsistencies in her posts. One of those people in particular was a lawyer she debated and eventually became good friends with. ๐Ÿค

But the difference between him and other people who tweeted insults at her? ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’” ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’.

Eventually she started doubting what she used to believe so wholeheartedly. She went to her folks for clarity and could not get a satisfactory answer.

Eventually she left the church along with her sister, and her family shunned her, just like they did with anyone who left. โœ‹

Today, she now shares her personal story with others, to provide an inside (as well as humanistic) view when it comes to extremism.

Oh, and sheโ€™s also now married to her lawyer friend! ๐Ÿ˜…

๐Ÿค” WHAT DO BOTH THESE STORIES HAVE IN COMMON? ๐Ÿค”

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’”๐’†๐’๐’‡-๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•๐’†๐’๐’–๐’”๐’๐’†๐’”๐’” ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’Œ๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’๐’‘๐’‘๐’๐’“๐’•๐’–๐’๐’Š๐’•๐’š ๐’•๐’ ๐’„๐’๐’๐’๐’†๐’„๐’• ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’”.

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’Š๐’‡ ๐’˜๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’Š๐’”๐’‚๐’ˆ๐’“๐’†๐’† ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’†, ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‡๐’Š๐’“๐’”๐’• ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‘ ๐’Š๐’” ๐’•๐’ ๐’”๐’Š๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’š ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’. ๐‘ต๐’ ๐’๐’๐’† ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Š๐’“ ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’… ๐’‡๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Š๐’๐’”๐’–๐’๐’•๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’„๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’Ž๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’•.

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’˜๐’† ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’… ๐’„๐’๐’Ž๐’Ž๐’๐’ ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‘๐’†๐’๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’˜๐’† ๐’‰๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’š๐’†๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’–๐’๐’…๐’†๐’“๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’๐’…, ๐’ƒ๐’–๐’• ๐’Š๐’• ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’•๐’‚๐’Œ๐’† ๐’†๐’‡๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’ ๐’”๐’.

These all may sound like common sense. But how many people do you see using this common sense on a daily basis? How about yourself?

Sounds like it may be back to basics, right?! ๐Ÿ˜…

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

To end this post I’ll leave you with wisdom from Megan Phelps-Roper herself on how we can all better communicate with others:

“๐Ÿ“Œ The first is don’t assume bad intent.

My friends on Twitter realized that even when my words were aggressive and offensive, I sincerely believed I was doing the right thing.

Assuming ill motives almost instantly cuts us off from truly understanding why someone does and believes as they do. โŒ

We forget that they’re a human being with a lifetime of experience that shaped their mind, and we get stuck on that first wave of anger, and the conversation has a very hard time ever moving beyond it.

But when we assume good or neutral intent, we give our minds a much stronger framework for dialogue. ๐Ÿ™Œ

๐Ÿ“Œ The second is ask questions.

When we engage people across ideological divides, asking questions helps us map the disconnect between our differing points of view.

That’s important because we can’t present effective arguments if we don’t understand where the other side is actually coming from and because it gives them an opportunity to point out flaws in our positions. ๐Ÿ‘‰

But asking questions serves another purpose; it signals to someone that they’re being heard.

When my friends on Twitter stopped accusing and started asking questions, I almost automatically mirrored them. Their questions gave me room to speak, but they also gave me permission to ask them questions and to truly hear their responses. It fundamentally changed the dynamic of our conversation. โ“

๐Ÿ“Œ The third is stay calm.

This takes practice and patience, but it’s powerful. At Westboro, I learned not to care how my manner of speaking affected others. I thought my rightness justified my rudeness — harsh tones, raised voices, insults, interruptions — but that strategy is ultimately counterproductive.

Dialing up the volume and the snark is natural in stressful situations, but it tends to bring the conversation to an unsatisfactory, explosive end. ๐Ÿคฌ

When my husband was still just an anonymous Twitter acquaintance, our discussions frequently became hard and pointed, but we always refused to escalate. Instead, he would change the subject.

He would tell a joke or recommend a book or gently excuse himself from the conversation. We knew the discussion wasn’t over, just paused for a time to bring us back to an even keel. ๐Ÿง˜

People often lament that digital communication makes us less civil, but this is one advantage that online conversations have over in-person ones. We have a buffer of time and space between us and the people whose ideas we find so frustrating.

We can use that buffer. Instead of lashing out, we can pause, breathe, change the subject or walk away, and then come back to it when we’re ready.

๐Ÿ“Œ And finally…make the argument.

This might seem obvious, but one side effect of having strong beliefs is that we sometimes assume that the value of our position is or should be obvious and self-evident, that we shouldn’t have to defend our positions because they’re so clearly right and good that if someone doesn’t get it, it’s their problem — that it’s not my job to educate them.

But if it were that simple, we would all see things the same way. As kind as my friends on Twitter were, if they hadn’t actually made their arguments, it would’ve been so much harder for me to see the world in a different way.

We are all a product of our upbringing, and our beliefs reflect our experiences. We can’t expect others to spontaneously change their own minds. If we want change, we have to make the case for it. ๐Ÿ’ผ

๐Œ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง ๐“๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐๐ข๐๐ง’๐ญ ๐š๐›๐š๐ง๐๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐›๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ž๐Ÿ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ข๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ — ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ฌ๐œ๐จ๐ซ๐ง. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐œ๐ก๐š๐ง๐ง๐ž๐ฅ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ข๐ง๐Ÿ๐ข๐ง๐ข๐ญ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ข๐š๐›๐ฅ๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐œ๐š๐ฆ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฉ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ž๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐๐ง๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ.

๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐š๐œ๐ก๐ž๐ ๐ฆ๐ž ๐š๐ฌ ๐š ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐ , ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐ž ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ง๐ฌ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ง ๐ญ๐ฐ๐จ ๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ž๐œ๐š๐๐ž๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ ๐ž, ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐๐š๐ข๐ง ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ฅ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž.” โค๏ธ

.

.

SOURCES:

๐Ÿ“˜ “Beyond the Messy Truth” by Van Jones – https://amzn.to/2AH3raK

๐Ÿ“• “The Coddling of the American Mind” by Jonathan Haidt – https://amzn.to/2BzEQFw

๐Ÿ“™ “Unfollow: A Journey from Hatred to Hope” by Megan Phelps -Roper – https://amzn.to/3cBdUSo

๐Ÿ“œ Evergreen State College, Day of Absence Protest (Timeline) – https://bit.ly/3ePeOw5

๐Ÿ‘‚Joe Rogan Podcast – Daryl Davis – https://bit.ly/2U9arnG

๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ TED Talk – Megan Phelps-Roper: https://bit.ly/2MwmFms

๐ŸŽฌ Accidental Courtesy: Daryl Davis, Race, and America – https://amzn.to/3czwSc7

Why Hurt People HURT People!

๐Ÿ™Œ HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE! ๐Ÿ™Œ

In times of stress, our thinking NARROWS.

We forget the ideals we set for ourselves. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

We forget the goals we were aiming to reach. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

We instead fall into thinking patterns limited to our self-preservation. ๐Ÿ˜จ

But youโ€™re NO LESS of a person for falling back into old thinking patterns. It happens to us all. โค๏ธ

What matters is not that we became lost in thought (for the thousandth time), but that we continue to acknowledge the moments when we do, to accept the moment as it is, and continue redirecting our focus towards what truly matters to us. โคด๏ธ

If youโ€™re a meditater, you know how RANDOM your thoughts can be! ๐Ÿง˜โ€โ™‚๏ธ

Thoughts you have absolutely no control over will appear in your conscious mind, like a fish in a pond which pops its head at the surface of the water. ๐ŸŸ

With a practice like meditation, you realize you donโ€™t have to engage with this fish. You realize itโ€™s just one of many fish that will appear ALL THE TIME, and you have the choice to allow this fish to just go on its way. ๐Ÿ™Œ

But without us developing these skills of self-awareness and self-control, we will ALWAYS be at the whim of us grabbing the next fish. ๐Ÿคฏ

We will continue grabbing every fish that appears and assume every fish carries equal value.

But the problem is some fish are unhealthy, harmful, and even dangerous. ๐Ÿฆˆ

For example, itโ€™s SO EASY these days for the Fish of Outrage to appear more and more in the mind. ๐Ÿ˜…

But the more often you grab the Fish of Outrage, the more often the fish comes back.

Because whatever you keep focusing on in the mind grows. ๐Ÿ‘€

Itโ€™s why Nietszche famously said: โ€œ๐‡๐ž ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐Ÿ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฆ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ฅ๐จ๐จ๐ค ๐ญ๐จ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ก๐ž ๐ก๐ข๐ฆ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ ๐๐จ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐š ๐ฆ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ. ๐€๐ง๐ ๐ข๐Ÿ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ ๐š๐ณ๐ž ๐ฅ๐จ๐ง๐  ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐š๐ง ๐š๐›๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ฌ, ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐š๐›๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐ฅ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ ๐š๐ณ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ.โ€

In other words, some of the most dangerous people are the ones who can only see wrongdoing in everyone else but themselves. They see themselves through a divine lens while simultaneously projecting the Fish they reject in their own minds onto other people. ๐Ÿ‘‰

Thatโ€™s why thereโ€™s the saying: โ€œ๐—ช๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜ ๐Ÿญ ๐—ณ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ฟ, ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐Ÿฏ ๐—ณ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€ ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ธ ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚.โ€

๐ŸŒŸ If you are suffering, you are lost in thought. ๐ŸŒŸ

Suffering begets suffering.

Thatโ€™s why itโ€™s important we remember:

๐Ÿ™Œ HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE! ๐Ÿ™Œ

That person you see screaming in the face of another person? ๐Ÿคฌ

That person expressing irrational and out-of-control behavior? ๐Ÿคฌ

That person who is vowing to get revenge? ๐Ÿคฌ

They are ALL suffering. ๐Ÿ˜”

For my social media friends thirsty for condemnation and revenge, I know this may be a difficult concept to understand. ๐Ÿค”

It may be even more difficult because this post is holding a MIRROR up to yourself. โค๏ธ

A person who feels the need to hurt other people, to crave revenge, to watch the whole world burn, is NEVER a happy person. ๐Ÿ‘

In fact, the ones who hurt the most are often the ones who need love the most. โค๏ธ

Because:

๐Ÿ™Œ HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE! ๐Ÿ™Œ

Consider the words of Sam Harris:

โ€œ๐„๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ ๐ฆ๐ž๐ญ, ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐š๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐ž๐ž๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ๐๐š๐ฒ, ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ข๐ž. โšฐ๏ธย .

๐‹๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฅ๐จ๐ง๐  ๐ž๐ง๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ก, ๐ž๐š๐œ๐ก ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐Ÿ๐š๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ. ๐€๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ฅ๐. ๐Ÿ˜ข

๐–๐ก๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐จ๐ง๐ž ๐ฐ๐š๐ง๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐›๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ฒ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐›๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฆ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฆ๐ž๐š๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐ž?โ€ โค๏ธ

During times of stress, these ideas Iโ€™m sharing may likely WONโ€™T be at the forefront of our minds. ๐Ÿ‘

Thatโ€™s why itโ€™s our job to work on ourselves, to develop ourselves, and to increase our self-awareness. ๐Ÿ‘€

Because the work we do on ourselves now is NOT just about us. Itโ€™s about everyone around us whoโ€™s also going to benefit from it. ๐ŸŒŽ

When you take care of yourself, you can better take care of others. โค๏ธ

When youโ€™re loving to yourself, youโ€™re more loving to others. โค๏ธ

When youโ€™re forgiving to yourself, youโ€™re more forgiving to others. โค๏ธ

It works both ways. โ†”๏ธ

So, the next time you THINK about grabbing that Fish of Outrage in the mind, remember:

๐Ÿ™Œ HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE! ๐Ÿ™Œ

Will you be a part of breaking the cycle of suffering? ๐Ÿ™Œ

As Martin Luther King Jr. beautifully said: โ€œ๐ƒ๐š๐ซ๐ค๐ง๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐œ๐š๐ง๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐๐š๐ซ๐ค๐ง๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ; ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ. ๐‡๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ง๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ก๐š๐ญ๐ž; ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ.โ€ โค๏ธ

Why News Stories are NOT Facts!

๐Ÿ”Ž SEPARATE THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES!!! ๐Ÿ”Ž

It was a little over 3 years ago I was sitting in a room filled with a hundred other people of various ages and backgrounds. ๐Ÿ‘ฅ

We all were sitting quietly, listening to the teacher at the front of the room as he calmly spoke with a distraught student who had come up to one of the nearby microphones set up next to him. ๐ŸŽค

It was the end of September 2017, and I was attending a weekend seminar known as the Landmark Forum. It was one of the most mentally challenging experiences I ever had, not in a bad way but in how it really challenged my way of thinking. ๐Ÿคฏ

And it wasnโ€™t just me. It challenged ALL OF US as students who participated that weekend! We were introduced to ideas and teachings which challenged how we saw our very lives and the world around us. ๐Ÿ‘๏ธ

Without giving event details away (I recommend you attend), I do want to share with you all a teaching I learned while I there which I’ve been using ever since…

๐Ÿ”Ž SEPARATE THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES!!! ๐Ÿ”Ž

In a similar vein as my previous post ( https://bit.ly/2ZToyBm ), I want to share with you all a realization that just BLEW MY MIND when I started seeing this teaching reflected in everyday situations. ๐Ÿคฏ

I share this with you because I believe THIS can be applied to so many areas of our lives! ๐Ÿ‘

With this teaching, you can save yourself a TON of unnecessary stress, a TON of unnecessary worry, and take your personal self-control to an entirely new level! ๐Ÿ˜

Now without sounding too over-the-top, let me explain…โœ๏ธ

I want you to imagine for a moment you hear about a nearby shooting on the news. ๐Ÿ’ฅ You hear about the shooter’s personal background, how he ran from the police, and how he led the police on a car chase through 3 towns before crashing and being arrested. ๐Ÿ‘ฎ

You hear from the cop’s interviews about how remorseless the shooter was, the testimonials from witness about how terrified they were, and you keep remembering how close the shooting was in proximity to your home. ๐Ÿ 

The incident passes. The shooter is now in jail. End of story. ๐Ÿ“˜

Life goes onโ€ฆbut not quite! โ˜๏ธ

Instead of not locking your front door like you used to, you now start locking your door. In fact, you double-lock it! ๐Ÿ”’

Instead of allowing your child to go outside independently the way he used to, you start feeling more hesitant to let him. You start thinking he needs your supervision, despite him having gone out hundreds of time on his own. ๐Ÿ›ก๏ธ

And when youโ€™re driving in your car, every time you’re about to drive past the area where the shooting happened, you find yourself taking a detour. ๐Ÿš—

But wait! The incident has passed. The shooter is in jail. The danger is gone. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

So why has your behavior changed? Why is your mind acting as if the shooter is still out on the streets? ๐Ÿค”

๐Ÿ”Ž SEPARATE THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES!!! ๐Ÿ”Ž

One of the most important teachings I learned attending the Landmark Forum was THIS: separate What Happened vs. The Story About What Happened.

๐ŸŒŸ What Happened: The Facts and nothing but the Facts.

๐Ÿ“– The Story About What Happened: The mental narrative created around the facts.

What if I told you the news doesnโ€™t tell you Facts? ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

It presents to you a Story about the Facts, about What Happened. It adds EMOTION to the Facts. ๐Ÿ“–

Think about it: Would you really read a news story that just wrote Facts like…?

๐Ÿ“ฐ โ€œA shooting happened on [STREET] at [TIME]. The shooter was identified as [NAME]. The shooter drove a [CAR TYPE]. The police followed the shooter’s car through 3 towns: [TOWN #1], [TOWN #2], and [TOWN #3]. The car crashed. The police arrested the shooter. He is awaiting trial at [PRISON NAME].โ€ ๐Ÿ“ฐ

If the news only told you What Happened, no emotion, no witness testimonies, no police statements, no opinions, no drama whatsoever, you would be BORED OUT OF YOUR MIND watching! ๐Ÿ˜ด

I would be too! ๐Ÿ˜…

The same even goes for my posts! If I just gave you just a list of facts without any emotion and passion (not to mention no emojis), youโ€™d not have as of a desire to keep on reading, would you?

Itโ€™s why I share Stories with you; we as humans LIKE Stories. It’s the same reason we go to the movies or read fictional books. ๐Ÿ‘€

There’s nothing wrong with this either; Stories allow us to experience a whole range of emotions we wouldn’t get to experience without them. ๐Ÿ˜Š

So, my point is: it’s not Facts that influence us, rather itโ€™s the Stories, the emotions around the Facts which influence us. ๐Ÿ™Œ

But the problem is when all the Stories we hear about on a daily basis are negative. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

Itโ€™s when they starts influencing us to do things we wouldn’t normally do without them. It’s when they influence us to start locking our doors, when they influence us to be worried about the dangers outside our home, when they influence our worst fears to take over our critical thinking, that it becomes a grave problem. ๐Ÿ˜จ

The fact is, the incident has passed. The shooter is in jail. The danger is gone. Nevertheless, your mind has created an internal Story about the world based around what it heard on the news. ๐Ÿ“–

Of course it’s illogical to assume thereโ€™s danger still outside your home based on 1 single incident and where the shooter was caught. ๐Ÿ‘

But your emotions are dictating to you otherwise, making you BELIEVE as if the danger is still near. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ

๐Ÿ”Ž SEPARATE THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES!!! ๐Ÿ”Ž

That is why is it SO IMPORTANT we distinguish these 2 things!

๐Ÿ“Œ So we help ourselves have a clearer look at situations and not through the lens of our emotions.

๐Ÿ“Œ So we can remind ourselves, through a logical perspective, of what to actually be concerned and not be concerned about.

๐Ÿ“Œ So we can crumble the internal Stories that fear will create in our minds about situations.

And this doesnโ€™t just happen with news stories either! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Think about situations you have with other people! ๐Ÿ‘ฅ

๐ŸŒŸ What Happened: Someone says to you, โ€œI appreciate you!โ€

๐Ÿ“– The Story You Tell About What Happened:

๐Ÿง  โ€œThey just said that to be nice.โ€

OR

๐Ÿง  โ€œTheyโ€™re right, I am amazing!โ€

OR

๐Ÿง  โ€œThey are weird for saying that! Iโ€™m not worth appreciating.โ€

๐ŸŒŸ What Happened: Your friend says he will be at your house in 10 minutes. He is late. He smiles when he sees you and says, โ€œIโ€™m sorry Iโ€™m late.โ€

๐Ÿ“– The Story You Tell About What Happened:

๐Ÿง  โ€œ5 minutes late, no big deal!โ€

OR

๐Ÿง  โ€œClearly he doesnโ€™t care enough to be on time!โ€

OR

๐Ÿง  โ€œHe just is not a person I can trust to be on time anymore!โ€

โญ You donโ€™t remember the Facts; you remember the Stories you created around the Facts. โญ

While I may be hitting the nail on the head a bit excessively here, I do this because I want you to see how much these internal Stories control our lives. ๐Ÿ‘

If we don’t control the Stories we tell ourselves, our Stories will control us! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

So the next time you see hear a story on the news, read a tabloid article online, or have a conversation with someone which fills you up with negative emotions, take a step back. ๐Ÿ‘ฃ

Take a few deep breaths…๐ŸŒฌ๏ธ

๐Ÿ”Ž SEPARATE THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES!!! ๐Ÿ”Ž

Ask yourself:

๐Ÿค” What are the Facts this situation provides? Remember: feelings and opinions are NOT the same as Facts.

๐Ÿค” What are the Stories coming out of the situation in my mind? What is the meaning I’m giving to the situation?

Because when we continue to develop ourselves, when we continue to become more aware of the Stories we tell ourselves, when we see they are simply Stories we will then realize we have the power to change them. ๐Ÿ’ช

Because who doesn’t want to have more empowering Stories run their life? ๐Ÿฅฐ

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