Your MOST Important Valentine!

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!!! ❤️

What does today’s holiday mean to you?

💓 A day to share love with the people in your life?

💘 A day to spend time with that “special someone”?

💔 A day to remind you of the fact you’re still single?

𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 #𝟑, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮!

For all my single friends out there, me being single myself: no need to fret! 😁

What if I told you, me at age 29, I’ve NEVER been in a relationship?! 😱

“𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐘!!!”❌

Don’t get me wrong, I used to DESPERATELY want one myself! Back in high school, I was on ALL the dating sites and apps: Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Tinder, etc. I had them ALL covered! 😅

🗣️ “𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘥, 𝘋𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘥?!” 🗣️

At the time I didn’t really know, nor did it ever cross my mind to really ask myself why. All I knew was I simply wanted to be in one! 🤷‍♂️

I wanted to find that “special someone” that would make me happier. 🙁

🌟 BUT THEREIN WAS THE PROBLEM! 🌟

𝐈 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫.

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!!! ❤️

Often we’re taught, especially through romantic stories, that if we’re in a relationship with that “special someone” the heavens will somehow magically open and all will live happily ever after. 😊

It’s quite a romantic way of looking at relationships…but as a teenager I didn’t understand that that was NOT reflective of reality! 😅

And I get why we keep believing this idea: We tend to only see the POSITIVE moments of a couple’s relationship, on display in our social lives and for all to see on social media. 🖼️

We typically don’t hear about the negative or challenging moments that happen in relationships. Who wants to hear that negativity, right?! 👍

𝐖𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐖𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠-𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞. ❤️

But I didn’t know all this as a teenager! So, as a naive teenager, WHY WOULDN’T I want to be in a relationship? They seemed to be nothing but smooth sailing! They looked like mindless fun! 😍

But it was around 4 years ago that I finally had this big change in perspective around relationships. I made the unanimous decision to UNINSTALL and DELETE ALL the dating apps I was on! 😲

🗣️ “𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭, 𝐰𝐡𝐲?!” 🗣️

Of all the countless hours I had spent on those apps, I had finally become drained of my willingness to keep searching for that “special someone”. 😓

If I could take the ratio of time I spent browsing those apps to the amount of time I actually spent talking with someone, it would be like 500 to 1! 👎

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!!! ❤️

Ultimately, my excessive searching was a time-waster! And the worst part of all: I kept making myself feel worse each time I logged off the apps when I had no luck. Each time I blamed MYSELF for it! 😥

⚠️ 𝐈 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟: “𝐍𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞! 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞!” ⚠️

…And then holidays like Valentine’s Day came around every year. They would only FURTHER reinforce a cycle of self-pity that I wasn’t in a relationship. And it SUCKED! 😫

So, you may be asking: what was the “final straw” for me to make such a drastic change?

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!!! ❤️

Since my teenage years, I’ve come to greater realizations about why I wanted to be in a relationship in the first place:

⚠️ I thought being in a relationship was the answer to making me happy. But it wasn’t.

⚠️ I thought by being in a relationship, I could seek recognition and validation from others. But I wouldn’t.

⚠️ I thought that if I was in a relationship, it would fill the void of loneliness I felt inside myself. But it wouldn’t.

As awful as it sounds, 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐭𝐨𝐲 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫.🧸

But people aren’t objects! And owning more objects won’t make you fulfilled in the long-term! 💯

🚨 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. 𝐌𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 “𝐖𝐄” 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 “𝐌𝐄”. 🚨

How many of us get into a relationship primarily for selfish reasons? I challenge you to seriously think about it! 💯

So, in sharing my story with you all, I hope you see a part of yourself in this. Sometimes what we’re actually looking for is not that “special someone” but actually something much closer to home. 🏠

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄…𝐈𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔!!! ❤️

🌟 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭. 𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞. 🌟

Again, for all my single friends out there: no need to fret!

❤️ Relationships are not all sunshine and rainbows. We often don’t see what goes on behind-the-scenes, the ongoing commitment required from both people, or the negative moments which happen in them.

❤️ Inner happiness and fulfillment has to come from YOU first. Fill your cup up first so then you can easily share it with a future lover. If you can’t love yourself first, you can’t expect it to come from someone else, because you’re going to be waiting forever.

❤️ Self-love is one of the greatest gifts you can give. The only person you’re with 100% of your life…is Yourself! So learn to be comfortable in your own company.

❤️ Today is an opportunity for you to change your perspective on how you see relationships. They are not a place you go to GET but a place you go to GIVE, and not being in one DOESN’T determine your self-worth.

Make today a day for you to give love in whatever way you know best! For me, writing this post to share with all of you is one of them! 😁

Please SHARE this post with anyone who needs to hear this today. Truly, you’re not alone! ❤️

Why Your Shadow MATTERS!

💬 “𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐮𝐚𝐥’𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬. 𝐀𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐧𝐚𝐠, 𝐭𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥-𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬.” ~ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐥 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠 💬

The Shadow is the parts of ourselves we reject, the primal emotions we suppress for the sake of societal approval, the parts we deny out of a personal desire to deny they exist. ❌

You could also think of the Shadow like “the devil on your shoulder”. The Shadow includes the thoughts that come up in your mind you’d never tell anyone else you thought. 👿

Think of an individual who is so kind, so loving, and so quiet. But one day you hear about an incident where they lost their temper, and you think to yourself: “NO! That is NOT the person I know! That is NOT who they are!” 🛑

Or think of the priest who vocally condemns homosexuality in his church but is eventually found to have participated in homosexual acts. 😲

➡️ These are examples of the Shadow at play. ⬅️

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬. 🔨

𝐖𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦: “𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥!” 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬. 🎭

It’s why there’s so many people with emotional issues. It’s why we have many immature adults, ones who’ve never taken the opportunity to be better in touch with themselves. 😔

Instead, many have unfortunately had to settle for cultural expectations of possessing certain personality traits while suppressing others. 😩

A man needs to always be masculine and suppress his femininity (“Boys don’t cry”), while a female needs to always be feminine and suppress her masculinity (“Girls, know your place”). ↕️

𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰. 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐰𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐭. 💯

In some circles like self-help and spirituality, the idea of the Shadow can be frowned upon. “Let go of the things which don’t serve you.” “If you focus on it, the more energy you give to it.” 👎

I understand those perspectives, however I take Carl Jung’s perspective: “I’d rather be whole than good.” I’d rather accept every part of me, the good and the bad, the gentle and the aggressive, than suppress it. 👤

🤔 So, how does one integrate their Shadow? 🤔

The first step is acknowledgment of its existence. Whatever your Shadow is will differ from person to person. 🙌

This DOESN’T mean you have to start expressing your Shadow or have to start identifying with it. It’s simply about acknowledging it, you making a personal commitment to being brutally honest of seeing every part of yourself, whether you are “proud” it or not. 💯

📍 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.

📍 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

📍 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐜 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬.

📍 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐫. 𝐉𝐞𝐤𝐲𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐌𝐫. 𝐇𝐲𝐝𝐞.

We acknowledge our capacity for evil while simultaneously choosing to be good. 🎭

As written in The Gulag Archipelago 📖: “If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them.

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥 𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠.” 👤

So, with this acknowledgement and acceptance of our Shadows, we can then take action! 😄

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐮𝐬, 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦! 💪

“𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦’𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴. 😠

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴?” 🤔

What are some ways you could use your Shadow energy of anger and aggression for more constructive means?

⚽️ You could take up a competitive sport.

🏋️ You could use this energy in your workouts.

💨 You could use it to get your work done faster.

🙌 You could use it in situations which legitimately call for you to become more aggressive.

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐬 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐋. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲! 😄

It’s what I mean when I tell people “don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater”. 👶

Integrating our Shadow can be VERY useful. But we always need to make sure we’re in control and using it for a healthy means. 😊

𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰, 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮? 😈

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LET ME KNOW IF YOU FOUND THIS USEFUL! ⬇️

Why It’s 100% OKAY!

I wish I had heard these words back when I suffered with depression. 😞

Yes, for nearly a decade I suffered with depression. It’s why I’m so passionate about mental health today! 👊

It’s because I’ve been there that I want to show others there’s ways out of it.

And the 1st thing I’d say to someone who is depressed is these words…

❤️ IT’S OKAY…TO NOT BE OKAY. ❤️

“But Donald, don’t enable people to keep being depressed! We want to get them OUT of depression, not stay in it! Don’t be stupid!” 🤪

Ah, but I agree with you here! I don’t want people to be in negative emotional states any longer than they need to be! We’re on the same page here! 😊

Where we differ is in the solution! ↔️

I won’t allow them to shame their emotions. If there’s anything I’ve learned in overcoming depression, it wasn’t by trying to push and force my emotions out of my mind. In fact, I see this method causing much more harm than good. 😱

Hear me out! As a regular meditator, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned with this practice is that our emotions, like our thoughts, are like the weather; they are temporary. 💨

But the more we resist them when they do appear (our thoughts, our emotions) and we demonize them, the longer they tend to remain. 😲

If I told you right now NOT think of a pink elephant, what just came into your mind? And if I kept telling you to stop thinking about the pink elephant, what thought remains? 🐘

🌟 Your constant focus on what you don’t want is why it’s still here. It has the OPPOSITE effect from what you intend. 🌟

📌 Accept WHATEVER you’re feeling. Place no positive or negative label on your present emotions.

📌 See if there’s any message your emotions are trying to give you. For depression: the message may be you’re focusing too much on negative thoughts. For anxiety: the message may be you’re doing too many things at once.

📌 Once your emotions have no further use, start taking actions in behavior to shift your feelings. It’s different from demonizing and suppressing your feelings. Your behavior will influence the change. Remember: FEELINGS FOLLOW BEHAVIOR!

Hope this helps! ❤️

Why Acceptance is CRUCIAL!

🌟 “When you ARGUE with reality, you always lose.” 🌟

If I can count the many times I’ve been stressed in my life, I can say looking back with certainty, they weren’t necessary if I just remembered this principle. 🤔

Or to put it another way…

🌟 “What upsets people is not things themselves but their JUDGEMENTS about the things.” 🌟

I want to let you know: we can save ourselves a TON of needless suffering if we remember this! 👍

🌟 “ACCEPT things as they are, not worse then they are.” 🌟

Often we do this unconsciously in our default mode setting, when we’re not actively paying attention to our thoughts and emotions. It’s why it’s so important we develop our self-awareness. 💯

And one way we start doing this is by practicing acceptance. 🙌

🤬 “But Donald! This thing that just happened SHOULD NEVER have happened! How can you ACCEPT such injustices?!” 🤬

To clarify, acceptance doesn’t mean we support something. It means we consciously give neutrality to a situation, to our thoughts, and to our emotions. For a temporary moment, we don’t label it “good” or “bad”. It just is. 👐

We accept whatever is in the present moment so we can clear our clouded minds and discern the situation with a much clearer understanding. 🧘‍♂️

So the next time you become aware of your emotions controlling you, take back the reins, identify the emotions that are arising, and accept them UNCONDITIONALLY. Yes, even acceptance of the “negative” emotions too! 💯

Add in some deep breaths, and you’ll be surprised how much faster they’ll pass with acceptance. 😄

“Now…where was I?” 💡