How We BECOME Civil!

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

Van Jones argued in his recent book โ€œBeyond the Messy Truthโ€ one of the biggest problems facing our modern politics is that political parties are no longer uniting under the ideals of Conservatism or Liberalism, to bring out the best of their parties. ๐Ÿ‘Ž

Instead, they are uniting under a shared hostility of being anti-The Other Party. ๐Ÿคฌ

Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt provided a similar argument in his book โ€œThe Coddling of the American Mindโ€ in the context of college campuses. ๐Ÿ“–

He cites instances where college students at Ivy League schools have forcibly interrupted and shouted down guest speakers they deemed โ€œoffensiveโ€. ๐Ÿคฌ

Once instance includes Evergreen State College, where a college professor expressed disagreement with students over their social cause.

Student protesters disrupted his class, surrounded him in a ring, screamed at him when he tried to speak, and demanded he resign from the university. ๐Ÿคฌ

To put it simply: ๐๐จ๐ฅ๐š๐ซ๐ข๐ณ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐›๐ž๐ญ๐ฐ๐ž๐ž๐ง ๐ฉ๐ž๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ก๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐ž๐. ๐“๐ซ๐ข๐›๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ก๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐ž๐. ๐‚๐ฒ๐ง๐ข๐œ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ก๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐ž๐. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐žโ€™๐ฌ ๐š ๐ ๐ซ๐จ๐ฐ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐œ๐จ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐š๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ž๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐š๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฎ๐ฌ, ๐›๐ฒ ๐๐ž๐Ÿ๐š๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ, ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฆ๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐œ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ง๐ญ.

๐€๐ซ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐œ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐š๐ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ง. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ’๐ฏ๐ž ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ๐š๐œ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐š๐ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ž๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐š๐ฅ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐ข๐๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง.

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

And I wonโ€™t pretend Iโ€™m immune from falling into these mindsets either. I also need to remind myself not to fall into these traps A LOT! So I don’t at all blame you if you fall into them either. ๐Ÿ˜…

But the message I wish to communicate to you today is you DON’T have to see someone else as your “villain”.

There is another option! ๐Ÿ’ฏ

Did you know Van Jones is close friends with Newt Gingrich? They are on opposite sides of the political spectrum. Van Jones is a Progressive Democrat and Newt a Republican. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

Van Jones notes in his book they disagree more than they ever agree politically. But despite that, theyโ€™re very good friends! ๐Ÿ‘ฅ

Newt once shared with him this piece of wisdom:

โ€œ๐’€๐’๐’–๐’“ โ€˜90% ๐’†๐’๐’†๐’Ž๐’šโ€™ ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’”๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ โ€˜10% ๐’‡๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’…โ€™ โ€“ ๐’๐’ ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š ๐’‘๐’๐’Š๐’๐’• ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’† ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’‚๐’ˆ๐’“๐’†๐’†.โ€

I think Jonathan Haidt was also right, in the same tradition, when he said the greatest wisdom you can find is in the minds of your โ€œopponentsโ€.

Your “villains”.

The people you label in your mind as โ€œpure evilโ€. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

A few days ago, I listened to a Joe Rogan podcast where he interviewed Daryl Davis. ๐ŸŽ™๏ธ

Daryl is an African American musician who is not only known for his amazing talent on the piano but also for converting over 200 people OUT of the white supremacist group the Ku Klux Klan. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

On the podcast he went in-depth about how this all happened, but the biggest detail which stuck out to me hearing his story was in how simple the solution was!

๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’‰๐’‚๐’… ๐’„๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’, ๐’‡๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’…๐’๐’š ๐’„๐’๐’๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’”๐’‚๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’๐’” ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Ž. ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’”๐’‰๐’๐’˜๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰ ๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’ ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’‘๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’†๐’๐’„๐’† ๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’” ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’š ๐’๐’†๐’†๐’…๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’‚๐’‡๐’“๐’‚๐’Š๐’… ๐’๐’‡.

He learned what the KKK believed about African Americans, and he (again, respectfully) challenged their ideas. He even invited many of them over to his house for dinner! ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

They even in turn invited him to attend their Klan meetings! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

It wasnโ€™t long after that one of the top Klan members Daryl had met handed his white Klan robe to him and said he was leaving.

Again, this was just 1 of over 200 Klansmenโ€ฆ!

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

But the solution Daryl provided is not so different from the story of Megan Phelps-Roper either!

Megan was a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, a group widely known for their extremist views towards homosexuals (โ€œGod hates f**sโ€) and Jews. ๐Ÿ˜”

From birth, Megan was raised in the Church as her grandfather was the founder. Because of her upbringing, she was raised to see a very limited view of the world around her.

She only knew what her family told her. She was taught that the people hating her and her family at their protests only meant they were righteous in their beliefs. ๐Ÿ“–

It was only when she created a Twitter account to promote her Church did her worldview start to unravel.

She became exposed to other viewpoints. Anonymous people she had never met were now pointing out logical inconsistencies in her posts. One of those people in particular was a lawyer she debated and eventually became good friends with. ๐Ÿค

But the difference between him and other people who tweeted insults at her? ๐‘ฏ๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’” ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’.

Eventually she started doubting what she used to believe so wholeheartedly. She went to her folks for clarity and could not get a satisfactory answer.

Eventually she left the church along with her sister, and her family shunned her, just like they did with anyone who left. โœ‹

Today, she now shares her personal story with others, to provide an inside (as well as humanistic) view when it comes to extremism.

Oh, and sheโ€™s also now married to her lawyer friend! ๐Ÿ˜…

๐Ÿค” WHAT DO BOTH THESE STORIES HAVE IN COMMON? ๐Ÿค”

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’”๐’†๐’๐’‡-๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•๐’†๐’๐’–๐’”๐’๐’†๐’”๐’” ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’Œ๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’๐’‘๐’‘๐’๐’“๐’•๐’–๐’๐’Š๐’•๐’š ๐’•๐’ ๐’„๐’๐’๐’๐’†๐’„๐’• ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’“๐’”.

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’Š๐’‡ ๐’˜๐’† ๐’˜๐’‚๐’๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’Š๐’”๐’‚๐’ˆ๐’“๐’†๐’† ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’”๐’๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’๐’†, ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’‡๐’Š๐’“๐’”๐’• ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‘ ๐’Š๐’” ๐’•๐’ ๐’”๐’Š๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’š ๐’ƒ๐’† ๐’“๐’†๐’”๐’‘๐’†๐’„๐’•๐’‡๐’–๐’. ๐‘ต๐’ ๐’๐’๐’† ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’๐’ˆ๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’Š๐’“ ๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’… ๐’‡๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’Š๐’๐’”๐’–๐’๐’•๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’„๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’Ž๐’†๐’… ๐’‚๐’•.

๐Ÿ“Œ ๐‘ป๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’˜๐’† ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’‡๐’Š๐’๐’… ๐’„๐’๐’Ž๐’Ž๐’๐’ ๐’ˆ๐’“๐’๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‘๐’†๐’๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’˜๐’† ๐’‰๐’‚๐’—๐’† ๐’š๐’†๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’–๐’๐’…๐’†๐’“๐’”๐’•๐’‚๐’๐’…, ๐’ƒ๐’–๐’• ๐’Š๐’• ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’•๐’‚๐’Œ๐’† ๐’†๐’‡๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’• ๐’•๐’ ๐’…๐’ ๐’”๐’.

These all may sound like common sense. But how many people do you see using this common sense on a daily basis? How about yourself?

Sounds like it may be back to basics, right?! ๐Ÿ˜…

๐Ÿ™Œ IT’S TIME FOR CIVILITY! ๐Ÿ™Œ

To end this post I’ll leave you with wisdom from Megan Phelps-Roper herself on how we can all better communicate with others:

“๐Ÿ“Œ The first is don’t assume bad intent.

My friends on Twitter realized that even when my words were aggressive and offensive, I sincerely believed I was doing the right thing.

Assuming ill motives almost instantly cuts us off from truly understanding why someone does and believes as they do. โŒ

We forget that they’re a human being with a lifetime of experience that shaped their mind, and we get stuck on that first wave of anger, and the conversation has a very hard time ever moving beyond it.

But when we assume good or neutral intent, we give our minds a much stronger framework for dialogue. ๐Ÿ™Œ

๐Ÿ“Œ The second is ask questions.

When we engage people across ideological divides, asking questions helps us map the disconnect between our differing points of view.

That’s important because we can’t present effective arguments if we don’t understand where the other side is actually coming from and because it gives them an opportunity to point out flaws in our positions. ๐Ÿ‘‰

But asking questions serves another purpose; it signals to someone that they’re being heard.

When my friends on Twitter stopped accusing and started asking questions, I almost automatically mirrored them. Their questions gave me room to speak, but they also gave me permission to ask them questions and to truly hear their responses. It fundamentally changed the dynamic of our conversation. โ“

๐Ÿ“Œ The third is stay calm.

This takes practice and patience, but it’s powerful. At Westboro, I learned not to care how my manner of speaking affected others. I thought my rightness justified my rudeness — harsh tones, raised voices, insults, interruptions — but that strategy is ultimately counterproductive.

Dialing up the volume and the snark is natural in stressful situations, but it tends to bring the conversation to an unsatisfactory, explosive end. ๐Ÿคฌ

When my husband was still just an anonymous Twitter acquaintance, our discussions frequently became hard and pointed, but we always refused to escalate. Instead, he would change the subject.

He would tell a joke or recommend a book or gently excuse himself from the conversation. We knew the discussion wasn’t over, just paused for a time to bring us back to an even keel. ๐Ÿง˜

People often lament that digital communication makes us less civil, but this is one advantage that online conversations have over in-person ones. We have a buffer of time and space between us and the people whose ideas we find so frustrating.

We can use that buffer. Instead of lashing out, we can pause, breathe, change the subject or walk away, and then come back to it when we’re ready.

๐Ÿ“Œ And finally…make the argument.

This might seem obvious, but one side effect of having strong beliefs is that we sometimes assume that the value of our position is or should be obvious and self-evident, that we shouldn’t have to defend our positions because they’re so clearly right and good that if someone doesn’t get it, it’s their problem — that it’s not my job to educate them.

But if it were that simple, we would all see things the same way. As kind as my friends on Twitter were, if they hadn’t actually made their arguments, it would’ve been so much harder for me to see the world in a different way.

We are all a product of our upbringing, and our beliefs reflect our experiences. We can’t expect others to spontaneously change their own minds. If we want change, we have to make the case for it. ๐Ÿ’ผ

๐Œ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง ๐“๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐๐ข๐๐ง’๐ญ ๐š๐›๐š๐ง๐๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐›๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ž๐Ÿ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ข๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ — ๐จ๐ง๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ฌ๐œ๐จ๐ซ๐ง. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐œ๐ก๐š๐ง๐ง๐ž๐ฅ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ข๐ซ ๐ข๐ง๐Ÿ๐ข๐ง๐ข๐ญ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ข๐š๐›๐ฅ๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ง๐ฌ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐œ๐š๐ฆ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฉ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ž๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐๐ง๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ.

๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐š๐œ๐ก๐ž๐ ๐ฆ๐ž ๐š๐ฌ ๐š ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐ , ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐ž ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ง๐ฌ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ง ๐ญ๐ฐ๐จ ๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ž๐œ๐š๐๐ž๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ ๐ž, ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐๐š๐ข๐ง ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ฅ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž.” โค๏ธ

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SOURCES:

๐Ÿ“˜ “Beyond the Messy Truth” by Van Jones – https://amzn.to/2AH3raK

๐Ÿ“• “The Coddling of the American Mind” by Jonathan Haidt – https://amzn.to/2BzEQFw

๐Ÿ“™ “Unfollow: A Journey from Hatred to Hope” by Megan Phelps -Roper – https://amzn.to/3cBdUSo

๐Ÿ“œ Evergreen State College, Day of Absence Protest (Timeline) – https://bit.ly/3ePeOw5

๐Ÿ‘‚Joe Rogan Podcast – Daryl Davis – https://bit.ly/2U9arnG

๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ TED Talk – Megan Phelps-Roper: https://bit.ly/2MwmFms

๐ŸŽฌ Accidental Courtesy: Daryl Davis, Race, and America – https://amzn.to/3czwSc7

Why News Stories are NOT Facts!

๐Ÿ”Ž SEPARATE THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES!!! ๐Ÿ”Ž

It was a little over 3 years ago I was sitting in a room filled with a hundred other people of various ages and backgrounds. ๐Ÿ‘ฅ

We all were sitting quietly, listening to the teacher at the front of the room as he calmly spoke with a distraught student who had come up to one of the nearby microphones set up next to him. ๐ŸŽค

It was the end of September 2017, and I was attending a weekend seminar known as the Landmark Forum. It was one of the most mentally challenging experiences I ever had, not in a bad way but in how it really challenged my way of thinking. ๐Ÿคฏ

And it wasnโ€™t just me. It challenged ALL OF US as students who participated that weekend! We were introduced to ideas and teachings which challenged how we saw our very lives and the world around us. ๐Ÿ‘๏ธ

Without giving event details away (I recommend you attend), I do want to share with you all a teaching I learned while I there which I’ve been using ever since…

๐Ÿ”Ž SEPARATE THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES!!! ๐Ÿ”Ž

In a similar vein as my previous post ( https://bit.ly/2ZToyBm ), I want to share with you all a realization that just BLEW MY MIND when I started seeing this teaching reflected in everyday situations. ๐Ÿคฏ

I share this with you because I believe THIS can be applied to so many areas of our lives! ๐Ÿ‘

With this teaching, you can save yourself a TON of unnecessary stress, a TON of unnecessary worry, and take your personal self-control to an entirely new level! ๐Ÿ˜

Now without sounding too over-the-top, let me explain…โœ๏ธ

I want you to imagine for a moment you hear about a nearby shooting on the news. ๐Ÿ’ฅ You hear about the shooter’s personal background, how he ran from the police, and how he led the police on a car chase through 3 towns before crashing and being arrested. ๐Ÿ‘ฎ

You hear from the cop’s interviews about how remorseless the shooter was, the testimonials from witness about how terrified they were, and you keep remembering how close the shooting was in proximity to your home. ๐Ÿ 

The incident passes. The shooter is now in jail. End of story. ๐Ÿ“˜

Life goes onโ€ฆbut not quite! โ˜๏ธ

Instead of not locking your front door like you used to, you now start locking your door. In fact, you double-lock it! ๐Ÿ”’

Instead of allowing your child to go outside independently the way he used to, you start feeling more hesitant to let him. You start thinking he needs your supervision, despite him having gone out hundreds of time on his own. ๐Ÿ›ก๏ธ

And when youโ€™re driving in your car, every time you’re about to drive past the area where the shooting happened, you find yourself taking a detour. ๐Ÿš—

But wait! The incident has passed. The shooter is in jail. The danger is gone. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

So why has your behavior changed? Why is your mind acting as if the shooter is still out on the streets? ๐Ÿค”

๐Ÿ”Ž SEPARATE THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES!!! ๐Ÿ”Ž

One of the most important teachings I learned attending the Landmark Forum was THIS: separate What Happened vs. The Story About What Happened.

๐ŸŒŸ What Happened: The Facts and nothing but the Facts.

๐Ÿ“– The Story About What Happened: The mental narrative created around the facts.

What if I told you the news doesnโ€™t tell you Facts? ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

It presents to you a Story about the Facts, about What Happened. It adds EMOTION to the Facts. ๐Ÿ“–

Think about it: Would you really read a news story that just wrote Facts like…?

๐Ÿ“ฐ โ€œA shooting happened on [STREET] at [TIME]. The shooter was identified as [NAME]. The shooter drove a [CAR TYPE]. The police followed the shooter’s car through 3 towns: [TOWN #1], [TOWN #2], and [TOWN #3]. The car crashed. The police arrested the shooter. He is awaiting trial at [PRISON NAME].โ€ ๐Ÿ“ฐ

If the news only told you What Happened, no emotion, no witness testimonies, no police statements, no opinions, no drama whatsoever, you would be BORED OUT OF YOUR MIND watching! ๐Ÿ˜ด

I would be too! ๐Ÿ˜…

The same even goes for my posts! If I just gave you just a list of facts without any emotion and passion (not to mention no emojis), youโ€™d not have as of a desire to keep on reading, would you?

Itโ€™s why I share Stories with you; we as humans LIKE Stories. It’s the same reason we go to the movies or read fictional books. ๐Ÿ‘€

There’s nothing wrong with this either; Stories allow us to experience a whole range of emotions we wouldn’t get to experience without them. ๐Ÿ˜Š

So, my point is: it’s not Facts that influence us, rather itโ€™s the Stories, the emotions around the Facts which influence us. ๐Ÿ™Œ

But the problem is when all the Stories we hear about on a daily basis are negative. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

Itโ€™s when they starts influencing us to do things we wouldn’t normally do without them. It’s when they influence us to start locking our doors, when they influence us to be worried about the dangers outside our home, when they influence our worst fears to take over our critical thinking, that it becomes a grave problem. ๐Ÿ˜จ

The fact is, the incident has passed. The shooter is in jail. The danger is gone. Nevertheless, your mind has created an internal Story about the world based around what it heard on the news. ๐Ÿ“–

Of course it’s illogical to assume thereโ€™s danger still outside your home based on 1 single incident and where the shooter was caught. ๐Ÿ‘

But your emotions are dictating to you otherwise, making you BELIEVE as if the danger is still near. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ

๐Ÿ”Ž SEPARATE THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES!!! ๐Ÿ”Ž

That is why is it SO IMPORTANT we distinguish these 2 things!

๐Ÿ“Œ So we help ourselves have a clearer look at situations and not through the lens of our emotions.

๐Ÿ“Œ So we can remind ourselves, through a logical perspective, of what to actually be concerned and not be concerned about.

๐Ÿ“Œ So we can crumble the internal Stories that fear will create in our minds about situations.

And this doesnโ€™t just happen with news stories either! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Think about situations you have with other people! ๐Ÿ‘ฅ

๐ŸŒŸ What Happened: Someone says to you, โ€œI appreciate you!โ€

๐Ÿ“– The Story You Tell About What Happened:

๐Ÿง  โ€œThey just said that to be nice.โ€

OR

๐Ÿง  โ€œTheyโ€™re right, I am amazing!โ€

OR

๐Ÿง  โ€œThey are weird for saying that! Iโ€™m not worth appreciating.โ€

๐ŸŒŸ What Happened: Your friend says he will be at your house in 10 minutes. He is late. He smiles when he sees you and says, โ€œIโ€™m sorry Iโ€™m late.โ€

๐Ÿ“– The Story You Tell About What Happened:

๐Ÿง  โ€œ5 minutes late, no big deal!โ€

OR

๐Ÿง  โ€œClearly he doesnโ€™t care enough to be on time!โ€

OR

๐Ÿง  โ€œHe just is not a person I can trust to be on time anymore!โ€

โญ You donโ€™t remember the Facts; you remember the Stories you created around the Facts. โญ

While I may be hitting the nail on the head a bit excessively here, I do this because I want you to see how much these internal Stories control our lives. ๐Ÿ‘

If we don’t control the Stories we tell ourselves, our Stories will control us! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

So the next time you see hear a story on the news, read a tabloid article online, or have a conversation with someone which fills you up with negative emotions, take a step back. ๐Ÿ‘ฃ

Take a few deep breaths…๐ŸŒฌ๏ธ

๐Ÿ”Ž SEPARATE THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES!!! ๐Ÿ”Ž

Ask yourself:

๐Ÿค” What are the Facts this situation provides? Remember: feelings and opinions are NOT the same as Facts.

๐Ÿค” What are the Stories coming out of the situation in my mind? What is the meaning I’m giving to the situation?

Because when we continue to develop ourselves, when we continue to become more aware of the Stories we tell ourselves, when we see they are simply Stories we will then realize we have the power to change them. ๐Ÿ’ช

Because who doesn’t want to have more empowering Stories run their life? ๐Ÿฅฐ

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Please SHARE this post if you found it insightful! I hope it can also help others!

How Activism is a Blessing (and a CURSE)!

๐Ÿšจ PRO vs. ANTI ๐Ÿšจ
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN be a Democrat and not be Anti-Republican.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN be a Capitalist and not be Anti-Communist.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN be a Vegetarian and not be Anti-Carnivore.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN be a Businessperson and not be Anti-Government.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN be an Atheist and not be Anti-Religion.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN be a Feminist and not be Anti-Men.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN support Black Lives Matter and not be Anti-Police.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN support Economic Growth and not be Anti-Environment.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN support MeToo and not be Anti-Skeptical.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN support Justice and not be Anti-Civil.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN support Local Businesses and not be Anti-Corporations.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN support Spirituality and not be Anti-Science.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN support Ending Racism and not be Anti-White.
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๐Ÿ‘ You CAN support Eating Healthy and not be Anti-Junk Food.
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It doesn’t have to be one OR the other. ๐Ÿ™‚
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I support activism. AND I also caution activism that’s without any critical thinking and self-criticism. ๐Ÿ’ฏ
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We CAN build a bridge without having to tear down someone else’s. ๐ŸŒ‰
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Support the causes you believe in. Be a part of the change you wish to see. Set the example for others to follow. ๐Ÿ™Œ
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Just be sure to keep an eye out when your focus has shifted from being more Pro to more Anti. ๐Ÿ‘€
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Because being Pro โค๏ธ versus being Anti ๐Ÿคฌ produce very different results.
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๐Ÿค” Which are YOU standing for? ๐Ÿค”

Why You NEED Confidence!

Think of the person who is so confident they know how to do something…but then fails miserably when they actually do it! ๐Ÿ˜…
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But think of the person who is so skilled on how to actually do something…yet consistently doubts their ability to even do it. ๐Ÿ˜จ
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So what happens? The Confident person takes the Competent person’s place in the Hierarchy of Authority! ๐Ÿ˜ฒ
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๐ŸŒŸ ๐—•๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—ถ๐˜’๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜ ๐˜„๐—ฒ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—–๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ณ๐—ถ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—–๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ก๐—ข๐—ง ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด.๐ŸŒŸ
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Confidence is the belief in yourself to do something. Competence is your actual ability to do something. โ†”๏ธ
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You can believe you know how to drive a car, yet simultaneously be a horrible driver! ๐Ÿš—
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You can believe you know how to be a leader, yet simultaneously isolate the people around you! ๐Ÿ˜ฒ
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You can believe you know more than experts in their fields, yet simultaneously spread misinformation because of your ignorance. ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ
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It’s important we remember this distinction, because it’s easy for all of us to be attracted to Confident leaders. ๐Ÿงฒ
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But that doesn’t automatically make them Competent as well. ๐Ÿ’ฏ
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How often does this happen? How often do we follow leaders based on their Confidence and how they make us feel, rather than based upon their Competence or their personal character? ๐Ÿค”
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Philosopher Bertrand Russell once wrote in an essay in 1933 in response to the Rise of Nazi Germany: โ€œ๐™๐™๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™ง๐™ค๐™ช๐™—๐™ก๐™š ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ข๐™ค๐™™๐™š๐™ง๐™ฃ ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ง๐™ก๐™™ ๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ž๐™™ ๐™–๐™ง๐™š ๐™˜๐™ค๐™˜๐™ ๐™จ๐™ช๐™ง๐™š ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™š๐™ก๐™ก๐™ž๐™œ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ ๐™–๐™ง๐™š ๐™›๐™ช๐™ก๐™ก ๐™ค๐™› ๐™™๐™ค๐™ช๐™—๐™ฉ.โ€ โœ๏ธ
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This quote has always reminded me to stay humble, to remember I’m not flawless, and that I can always keep learning more. ๐Ÿ’ฏ
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I can in fact be wrong about many things, and with a continual understanding of the world around me I should remain open to new perspectives. ๐Ÿ™Œ
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Because I might learn something new. ๐Ÿ’ก
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This quote is not only a reminder but also a cautionary one, if we are going to remember what happened in the following decade with Hitler and World War 2. ๐Ÿฉธ
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So, this is my message to the Competent individuals out there…โฌ‡๏ธ
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There are people far less qualified getting the jobs you want because of their Confidence! ๐Ÿ‘
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There are people far less skillful in leadership positions you’d be amazing at because of their Confidence! ๐Ÿ‘
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There are people far less intelligent influencing people more than you because of their Confidence! ๐Ÿ‘
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It’s not because they’re more talented. It’s not because they’re more hard-working. It’s also not because they’re more intelligent; this realization was a HUGE one for me! ๐Ÿคฏ
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It’s because they’re Confident. And people follow Confident people, even when it does head towards destruction. ๐Ÿ’ฅ
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I’m NOT saying every Confident person is unintelligent or isn’t hard working. I know plenty who are, and I wholeheartedly applaud them! ๐Ÿ’ฏ
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But what I am saying is these other individuals exist, and I want to let my more Competent friends know that there’s plenty of more room available on the Hierarchy. ๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ
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Take the time to develop your Confidence skills because your gifts are needed. ๐Ÿ‹๏ธ
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Because if you decide to step up, we will not only have a society of Confident leaders but ones who are BOTH Confident AND Competent! ๐Ÿ˜„
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That’s a real powerful combination! ๐Ÿ‘
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You got this! โค๏ธ